May 12, 2003

An Ah-Ha! MomentUh-Oh!!

While I was putting in my volunteer time this past weekend at the local zoo, I had a bit of reflection time. I dont know about you guys, but when Im mulching the ground for the Lorikeets (who were quite upset with the presence of the rake-wielding two legged and featherless creature in their aviary) and theyre showing their displeasure with my presence by zipping by my head and smacking me with their beautiful green wingsI try to distract myself from the possibility of a pissed off pretty-bird putting out my eyes by thinking OTHER unpleasant thoughts.

AND when Im weeding around the Emus wallow and planting new vegetation around the edge to stop the ground from eroding further while simultaneously fending off the amorous attentions of both Sylvia AND One Eye, my mind tends to wander.

FINALLYwhen delicately hauling sand between the alligators over there and the flamingos over there to spruce up the Spoobill habitat dodging pissed off flying Spoonbills (trying not to become a pissed ON wolf) and trying not to upset Bill the one winged Tern (because when Bill gets upset he falls over and cant right himself with just one properly functioning wing)my musings turn inward. Outward, at that particular point in time was WAY too frightening.

So there I was, covered in birdie poooooo.and thinking. Id just had a horrible dayeveryone turned stupid and Id FOUGHT all day long mostly without any measurable improvement in my status. Phone still broken, pension $ still not in my hands, lunatic woman still driving around townand so forth. WHAT was that all about? Why so much anger and all at once? Why was EVERYthing I attempted to do stress producing? Why do I have to fight so much? Why is life so dang hard???

I started looking back over my life and realized that THIS is what I do I fight. I am

combative. I am a combatant. I dont know what else to do. Furthermore I am fairly certain that if I quit fightingI will cease to exist. I dont know what else to do, how else to act.

Furthermore, I know exactly where this comes from. My mother was a warrior. I attended Black Panther rallies with my mother when I was a teenager. A little odd for a middle class white woman, I gotta tell you. If somebody was getting the shaft, Mom was there, fighting the good fight and protecting the unprotectable. Even more compelling Chickie is JUST like her grandmother in that way. If theres an underdog to be found and cared for, Chickie will do it.

I was appalled. I was shocked. I was distressed and depressed. Surely there must be a better way to live. Being a warrior means always being vigilant, always on your toes, shields up and alert. Its a continuous commitment and it is very exhausting. I wanted to live another way and be somebody else. This is too hard.

Sis tried to point out that there really is more to me than that. After all look at all the volunteer work Ive done with sports associations and kids. Yes look at it. In each and every case I got involved because somehow the kids were getting screwed in some manner. By me getting involved, I was in a better position to protect themto fight for their rights. See, Sis? Thats really ALL I am.

So, I thought about it some moreovernight. And overnight again. And then for a while longer. And I had an experience in substituting that made me ever more aware of who I am. I am a fighter, a warrior, a combatant. This IS what I do. This IS who I am. And Sometimes, Im tired as hell and feel like I cant possibly go on for one more second or another step. But I get over itI recoverand I go on.

aquaphoric

May 13, 2003

Yup, you are a fighter. That’s a good thing. Better than giving up or quitting, you are tough. You hang in there, and you are protective of those who need protecting. Sure, sometimes you get worn out, but you even fight the tiredness, battling your way through another day. Being a fighter is a good thing, i think. It makes you a wolf. Wolves are fighters too. Perhaps why you like them so. *hugs*

I don’t think there is anything wrong with being a fighter, as long as you are fighting for the right things. And you seem to be. 🙂

FallingDog

Hey, Warrior Woman! Who says being a fighter is a bad thing? I’m a fighter and a warrior, and I personally believe that it’s what makes my mostly-meaningless existence worthwhile. So, FIGHT ON, WOLFIE!!!!! P.S. A late Happy Mother’s Day to ya!

Mns

fighting is a survival instinct, i think. a mother bear protects her cubs, we fight for what we feel right in life and yes, it often gets tiring and we just want to be. sometimes, when the little birds leave the nest we want to keep protecting, the hard part is when we have no control to step in and fight anymore… did that make any sense? lol. it’s been a long day~

Willy & Wilma

A belated happy Mothers Day Sunshine!

ermentrude

Fighting for the rights of yourself and others is a much better way to live than apathy. Yes you’re a fighter but I also see someone who cares in your words. You fight for others because you care. Isn’t that a good thing? I sure think so.

*~*Lady Moon*~*

May 14, 2003

When you fight for ‘right things’ with compassion ~ light and care, all is good! Light and HUG you light friend

Lael

sometimes I feel that way…sometimes I would love to sit back and let the world pass by…like the time in JR high when I got into a fight with a girl because she was picking on someone smaller then her….I’ve thought and thought about it and that’s the first time I remember actally fighting for something other then what I wanted……… Face SW the world won’t let us stop fighting Lael

opps that should ready Face IT SW…but I ran out of space lol Lael

how about friday may 23, how about dinner and amphibous landings? 🙂 We thought we were going to gatorville, but the inlaws of friend are visiting so we could come harrass you instead. 🙂 *grin* and do lunch tuesday! frog day the twenty seventh. 27. 23. is it a date on the date? 🙂

see the fight for toadal global frogination would never keep going without folks like you! 🙂 *hugs* Now, where’s that spangly purple outfit, and lets go get ’em! toad wants me to convince the town we need a paid fire dept, not volunteer!

a mote, floating

Token Drum Girl has it right — the world won’t let us stop fighting. I start out assuming that people are reasonable, but when an idiot pops up I speak up. It’s when it all piles up and I’ve gotten no sleep that I want to stop the world and get off it for a while. Take care of you — and pamper yourself when you can….

It’s good to know yourself. Makes it easier to work within your own frame. With a big smile…Torin, unsigned, as always.

i saw you were on only after i found my birthday present i would like from the toad. 🙂 tis a log cabin in the mountains, well, sorta. 🙂 at least it’s in a state that borders the mountains and the sea!

Some things are worth being a warrior for. As for a person’s nature: I think sometimes we lessen the pressure by simply acknowledging it, even embracing it and using it for good. IMHO you’re a fine example of just that. ~:) ArtImp, nsi

Ha ha! Bird poop! Will you be mucking out the tiger pen next? 😀

Ah, don’t feel bad about being combative. I’m at the other end of the spectrum and spend way too much time and effort avoiding conflict. I envy your ability to speak up!

Ainekate

May 17, 2003

The world is a better place because of people like you! We need our warriors. And there’s nothing wrong with you for being that way. I can tell that you care for people & have your own code of conduct and set of morals. As long as you act within those guidelines, then you’ll be a champion. (But you are to us anyway!) *with a warm smile & a hug*

May 20, 2003

Miss you, dear! How are you? Happy belated Mother’s Day and Happy May! AND Valborgsmässoafton! SMILE and lots of light L O V

interesting. and ryn: i dont know. . be more evil

Elle: 2

May 25, 2003

Just thought I’d visit for a moment and say “hello”… Smiles,

hey! where you be? *taps fingers* time for an update 🙂 ~mnsnsi

*sniff* you skipped our date the 27th. *sniff* *pout*