April 23, 2003

Previous: I Could NEVER Make This Stuff Up

The Grocery Nazi

You remember that character that was made famous on Seinfeld the Soup Nazi? He would yell out NO SOUP FOR YOU! and then deny service to anyone who roused his ire, for whatever reason. I would like to introduce you to the local counterpart of that my darling Chickie: The Grocery Nazi.

Chickie came home from work in rare form Tuesday night. She was wound up and story after story after story about the customers that cross her check-out line at the grocery store poured out.

Mom. I like people. But seriously, some people are too stupid to shop. They shouldnt have shopping privileges!

And with such a seemingly innocent commentthe Grocery Nazi was born.

You have 7 itemsand you want each one rung up individuallyWHILE you pay for each individual transaction with the SAME credit card???? NO GROCERIES FOR YOU!!

You ask for triple paper bags for the ONE loaf of bread that you bought? NO GROCERIES FOR YOU!!

I smile and pleasantly ask how you areand you growl at me while insisting the bagger put one too many .5 ounce cans of cat food in that last bag NO GROCERIES FOR YOU!!

You wait until AFTER I have rung up your $500+ order to tell me you have a tax exempt status and Ill have to void everything out NO GROCERIES FOR YOU!!

You walk off to get the loaf of bread you forgot to snatch up earlier and leave your darling child screaming her fool head off in the grocery cart while youre gone NO GROCERIES FOR YOU!!

You appear to be approximately 12 years old and you attempt to buy beer at my station without any form of ID NO GROCERIES FOR YOU!!

You have the body shape of a small bowling ball and the only groceries you put up on the belt are opened and half eaten bags of chips, boxes of cookies, loaves of bread and half-drunk sodas NO GROCERIES FOR YOU!!

You feel the need to sling your items down the already moving belt, placing my life and limb in danger NO GROCERIES FOR YOU!!

You want to pay for a $200+ order largely with change NO GROCERIES FOR YOU!!

Youve got more gold in your mouth than there is in Ft. Knox and no one in my family could afford your suit if they saved for a year, but youre paying for your groceries with FOOD STAMPS NO GROCERIES FOR YOU!!

You argue the price of an item even after the bagger goes back to the shelf, pulls the price tag and brings it up front to show you NO GROCERIES FOR YOU!!

You come in without your attitude in check NO GROCERIES FOR YOU!!

Immediately after paying for your groceries you whip out pictures of your pet dogs, gerbils, lizards, snakes, etc and insist that I look at all of them (including the pictures of the innocent crickets and other critters that you feed to those pets) while exclaiming appropriately about their finer qualities NO GROCERIES FOR YOU!!

Your ENTIRE order is made up of only fruits and vegetables which I dont recognize and dont know the codes for? NO GROCERIES FOR YOU!!

You have an item that wont scan so you suggest (seriously) that I just slide it on down there because you really shouldnt HAVE to pay for it NO GROCERIES FOR YOU!!

Dear Chickie. Then she tells me that she wants to have a bunch of stickers made up which she is going to hand out at her register. I begin to explain to her that there is a lot of behavior which can get one fired. when she tells me that the sticker she wants to hand out is not the one I have feard: TOO STUPID TO SHOPbut rather the simple 3 word : JUST BE NICE.

Hmmmmmmmm not sure just how effective shes actually gonna be as the grocery nazi if THATs gonna be her motto!!!!

aquaphoric

April 24, 2003

lol– did she really refuse grocery service? or just want to. Poor chickie. *snickers* Makes me glad I work in a daycare. SHE doesn’t get drooly baby kisses when she’s working,and I do!!! hehehehe

ryn– well I see this baby almost every day and i’ve known her since the week after she was born. besides. I WUV babies!!!

neato!!!! Uncle gnome

FallingDog

Oh goodness, I’m frightened! Remind me not to do my grocery shopping in Florida at the store where Chickie works! LMAO!!! Oh, a teen with her first job…..I well remember those days, myself. I was a waitress (a terrible one), and I couldn’t wait to regale everyone with HOW STUPID CAN PEOPLE BE!!!! stories. I understand Chickie’s ire, for sure!!!

Ainekate

Lol! Look out Sunshine, I think she’s a chip off the (not so) old block. *grin* I can sympathise with her as I’ve dealt with my share of real winners over the years. Tell her to hang in there. *with a warm smile & a big hug*

lifeisuhmistury

Hey,hey, thank you for splitting my sides with laughter! Hysfreakingsterical…..I want to drive to Florida this weekend just so I can sneak in Chickie’s place of employment and keep going to her lane!!!!! ***ROFLMSAO*** Nah…screw that, we’ll just go dumpster diving or hang on the beach in our pruplr and blue suits and gaze at the local flora and fauna….giggles. God, I love you woman!((HUGS))

purple….your purple bathing suit…me in my blue bathing suit. Oy! I’m having a huge snit fit lately and have put my entries on private for a bit, but continue to read and note. Hee, hee, hee, Chickie just cracks me up. And by golly…I think it must be genetic!***Beams you a huge smile***

Willy & Wilma

I hope those dumb customers were spread out over several days All in one would be too much!

a mote, floating

I love this. If anyone is looking for a humor column, I’d suggest submitting this one! RYN: I haven’t yet checked out the local “Home Despot,” but it’s on my To Do list — and I believe there’s a Lowe’s nearby as well. I’ll still experiment with the window art, though.

ah how well i remember . #1 daughter and her check out woes ” maaaa ya know what this sh*t head did ” my mighty mouse , oh how she roared , now i get ” maaaa you know what that sh*t head did ” !!!!!!!!!!! never ends and i love it . take care

Torin

April 25, 2003

That’s not a bad motto, and I rather agree with her “too stupid to shop” list. With a smile…

Lael

TOOO cute……… Well things here are starting to settle down… I think lol better not say that too loud Lael

LOL, too funny, and it also brings back memories of when I worked in a grocery store as a teenager. It was in a rural farming area, could we ad – forgot to take a shower and smell like a manure pit – NO GROCERIES FOR YOU! LOL 🙂

This is a riot! The grocery customer that drives me crazy is the one who waits until her entire $500 order is scanned, totaled & bagged before she even looks for her handbag to rummage through to locate her checkbook!

April 26, 2003

Glad you’re enjoying the new version. I’m rather pleased with it, myself. With a smile…

Oh, how funny! I HATE those stupid plastic grocery bags that stores foist off on us now, but have given up telling the clerk again and again how much I despise them. Thus, I am still allowed to buy food at most locations. 😀

*~*Lady Moon*~*

April 27, 2003

Thanks for the nice message and the smile! 🙂 Love to you dear chica, hug and lights ALWAYS

It’s up, already! With a grin…

I knew I’d be able to get a laugh if I came here. 🙂 What an imagination that girl has. I like this story!!!

darkart

*grin* I would have stuck with the NO GROCERIES FOR YOU sticker.

ryn: poor poor chickie!! Tell chickie that i feel her pain!! but she forgot a couple of stories!! like the one about banana man..the stubborn old mule that insists that your scale is off by a few pennies, and waits for you to open up your register so he can collect his 2 CENTS that he INSISTS you owe him!!!!!! this entry is a must print. should be posted up at ALL grocery stores..right next to

chickies stickers!!!! =)

ermentrude

April 28, 2003

Come on wolfy, she really does have a lot of good points there! I do see a strong resemblence to her dear ol crabby white mother too!

Nectar

how about “Be Careful or No Groceries For You” threat… whoever wrote this needs to write a book…when are you going to do it?

OMG…that poor baby! And the minute she thinks she’s seen and heard it all there’s sure to be something even MORE bizarre around the corner! ~:D ArtImp, nsi

ROTFL! I must say I agree with Chickie…lol! I hate those ppl too…then there are the ones who really piss me off…TOO STUPID TO DRIVE ones! Oi!