Unleash the Dragon

What a day! Challenges upon dilemmas atop tests! My day started early – getting Chickie moving 15 minutes early so I could drop her off in time to still get my own bad self to the school where I was to turn into a shadow for the day. Fortunately I knew where the school is located and it is close. I managed to pull in 10 minutes early. Shhhhhh. Don’t anyone tell Chickie that I really only needed an extra 5 minutes!

I checked in and was offered a choice. Choices before 8 a.m.? How am I supposed to deal with THAT? Do I have a preference? Sure. I have lots of them. Want to narrow that down a little for me? OH! You want to know if I have a subject preference! English or Math or Science???? Math…ewwww! English…yummmm! So – I picked Science – cause it’s neutral – neither a big yay nor a huge ewww.

That chase safely under my belt, I was introduced to the Science department head. When I explained I was there to observe for the day in preparation for my new occupation as a substitute teacher, she looked at me as if I were a mutated three-headed hydra covered in puss filled boils. Great. And it was too late to change to English……help me!

I was swiftly marched down the hall to my first classroom. Holy Rodeos, Batman! The teacher wore pointy-toed cockroach killer boots, a western cut shirt, and tight jeans. His hair, which was beginning to gray AND to thin, was pulled back at the nape in a rather puny pony tail. He was digging through a file box which was covered in Green Peace bumper stickers. An environmentally active cowboy? That’s different. It was some sort of zoology course and there was much discussion about the intimate body parts of bees. A very touch subject…so I moved on.

The next class held a man who was could have been the poster child for the absent minded science professor. Not nearly as visually stimulating as the Greenpeace Cowboy, but certainly much more expected. The topic du jour in there was VIRUSES. Standard enough on its own…but top it off with a particularly graphic video of what happens when a person (and thus, usually, a village) contracts the ebolla virus. Anybody see the movie OUTBREAK? It was almost exactly that – word for word, but without the benefit of Dustin Hoffman.

Next stop – the obsessive compulsive physical science teacher. When I got into his room he was freaking out because the desks were not in orderly and neat rows any more. He was tearing around the room in a Tasmanian devil frenzy – straightening desks, erasing whiteboards, arranging papers, mopping floors OK. Maybe not mopping floors. An entire class period devoted to the age old question “If you drop a bowling ball and a marble from the top of a 10 story building at the same time – which one will hit the ground first?” Nice to see that some things never change.

Lunch time! Oh baby! Chatting with the faculty, eating the cafeteria food… I was fitting right in!

Next class – observing the Department Head. Not sure exactly what subject this was, but it was very diverse! First we planted bean and corn plants that they had sprouted, back in the greenhouse. Greenhouse! How cool is that? I felt like the herbology teacher in Harry Potter! Then we dame in and went over homework. Next we were identifying fish using the hand-dandy 20 question fish key. No, the first question was NOT animal, vegetable or mineral! Finally, another movie. This time it was Mr. Science talking about the classifications of life. Definitely award winning drama.

Finally, Environmental Science class. I walked into the room and was greeted by an 80 pound bunny who was munching on the corner of the desk. I’m sure it was 80 pounds. It was a really BIG bunny. And where does an 80 pound bunny sit? Anywhere it wants to. There were also iguanas, 3 tanks holding Oscar fish, 2 snakes, several guinea pigs…and heaven only knows what else. I watched her teaching method with interest…and kept my purse tightly clutched in my lap. I didn’t need to bring Blossom home a stowaway playmate today. Certainly, the 80 pound bunny wouldn’t have fit into my purse anyway.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, completed my day of shadowing. All that was left was to out-jostle the kids to get through the front door and face down the bus drivers in my little Altima to get out of the parking lot. Mission accomplished, wolfie safely home…and tomorrow the dragons (whatever happened to eagles and bears as mascots?) will have to carry on without me…and my world will be a little bit less colorful because of it.

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I have had this written for DAYS! And I have so much more to write about…my adventure with kilts, Chickies new job, the joys of substitute teaching….. so I hope this dang diary is working now…and that I can catch up tomorrow!!!!!!