November 28, 2002

Next: Diagram of a Horrible, Awful, Very Bad Day…

Picture This…

Wednesday:

Sis: What time is lunch tomorrow?
SW: 2 p.m.
Sis: Well then when will you put the turkey in? How big is it?
SW: 18 pounds-the instructions on the turkey say about 5 hours.
Sis: No – it will take 4 at the most.
SW: You sure? In that case I can sleep in until 8, if you’re sure.
Sis: Yup.

Fast forward to Thursday at 1:30 p.m……..

Sis: Have you checked the turkey? Is it done yet?
SW: Let’s look at it now.
Sis: It’s not done! When did you put it in? What? Oh no!!!! It’s going to be late because that size bird takes longer than THAT!
SW: *smiles sweetly* while wondering what Sis would look like wearing said turkey on her head as a festive decoration.

Young Stud called – all the way from Tennessee.

YS: Mom? Has hell frozen over?
SW: *looks out window at sunny day to check before replying* No, dear. What the hell are you talking about?
YS: Well….you’re COOKING aren’t you?
SW: Ahhhhhh. Yes. Well…. that rumor about not being able to teach old dogs new tricks may not be ENTIRELY true. How are you, honey?
YS: Fine, now.
SW: Now?
YS: I was in the emergency room this morning.
SW: *gulps back motherly urge to scream OHMYGODWHATHAPPENEDTOYOUMYDARLINGBABYBOYITOLDYOUNOTTOMOVEAWAYFROMYOURMOTHER!* and calmly says – Why?
YS: I got a piece of wood in my eye yesterday at work and didn’t get it all out. This morning when I woke up my eye was swollen shut.So I went to the ER and they got it out and gave me a tetanus shot.
SW: Ahhhhhhh. I see. Well…for future reference, it’s probably best to have foreign objects removed from your eyes immediately. Now go eat your turkey and be THANKFUL that you can still SEE it!

**Make mental note – buy Young Stud cool pair of safety glasses for Christmas……..AGAIN.**

Dinner eaten and only one task remained – clean up the horrific mess. OK. Later.

Dad: You better put the turkey in the fridge. It will spoil.
SW: OK. In a few minutes

37 seconds elapse

Dad: You better put the turkey in the fridge. It will spoil.

Having had 40+ years of experience with this man (and being a quick study) I could see where this was going. So……I wade into the kitchen to do the clean-up. I’m up to my a-hole in alligators and my armpits in soap suds. Sis and Dad are entertaining each other in the living room. Chickie is locked in her room with her radio full blast.

But then…an alien invasion happened. They possessed my Chickie. All at once she was everywhere – clearing the table, drying and putting away dishes, storing food in the fridge, packing up to-go plates for Dad & Sis, cleaning out the fridge.

I screamed out “WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY DAUGHTER????????!!!!!!!!!!?!?” and I must have scared the aliens good – cause they departed her body and she returned to her room and turned up TuPac FULL BLAST.

Er – did I mention that I didn’t scream at the aliens until AFTER all the work was finished?

So……we all survived and I was glad to be back home with my family…even if I had to cook! For Christmas dinner though…..it’s steaks on the grill and YS is cooking!

November 29, 2002

at least you had some help with the clean up. i’m still working on it…:)

Mns

my day wasn’t nearly as exciting as yours! LOL. rather peaceful and relaxing, actually. glad all survived! 🙂

ermentrude

SOunds a good day 🙂 Me? i went to work… oh for a turkey day here but dagnabbit, we never made it through the winter with the help of the native americans. oh well, just have to work then i guess. Has the queen got any more jubilees coming up?

I love reading you! Glad the day was good, my daughter wants to know more about your son! LOL

glad you survived the alien attack… {smile} waiting for pizza here.. easier to clear.

Lael

Sounds like you survived lol As for Christmas dinner I may hitch a ride from YS umm cause Christmas in flordia sounds better then dealing with dearly departed mums family lol that’s a story in and of it’s self…. Lael

Ainekate

Ain’t family fun?! Glad you survived your turkey day. Maybe you could get someone else to cook the Christmas dinner & give you a break, huh? Listen don’t yell at the aliens next time & maybe they’ll stay for good. LOL. *with a smile & a warm hug*

Nice way to give Chickie reinforcement , hon! LOL Glad you *enjoyed* your day haha RYN: Now is that a good way to feel or not? LOL Hugz HArley (nsi of course cos OD won’t let me :-()

GO chickie, go chickie!!!! woooooo! we had the neighbor’s dog frankie to clean up. er, eat up the mess. Sorta. well, not really, you should see the sink now since toad wanted pizza last night. 🙂

aquaphoric

November 30, 2002

okay… now that I’ve finished dying of laughter (you manage to say these things in the funniest ways, and ANYONE would look funny with a partially cooked turkey on their head… augh… mental image) at least you had a decent thanksgiving and your children survived the holiday… with the foreign objects and the aliens, it was a close call. happy belated turkey day. hehe.

My day was nerve wracking. Family came late. Turkey cooked too fast, corn cooked too slow. Oven went nuts. Today I bought a new stove. Can’t go through that when it is now time to make Christmas cookies.

LMFAO!!!!!!!!! And no one in the Wolf household caused bodily harm to another. Amazing!

Chickie sounds like she is becoming a wonderful young woman. Oh, geez. I didn’t mean to make you cry. Don’t think about it. She still has some years left as a teenager. LOL. May the aliens come back every night after dinner. Happy Thanksgiving.

lifeisuhmistury

December 2, 2002

Hee Hee Hee….that was a good one Wolfie!I wonder though why dad didn’t get up and just do the clean up himself?!!***Hey, you can’t smack me from that far away, woman!*** ROFLMSAO Glad you had a nice Thanksgiving. I am soaking up the warmth I always get when I get to your diary…must be those Fla rays peeking through the yellow background,huh? (((Big Hugs)))

sounds like a good christmas plan, can i come????

we made the guys cook, it was heavenly! LOL Glad you remembered not to ask the teenager if she had been invaded by aliens until after the cleanup was done. 🙂

See ya on the Rock! Bring Turkey and Ill bring the chamfers…Alexias with luv

*~*Lady Moon*~*

Alien attack…and you survived….physically and emotionally…. then you are a blessed 1 🙂 Good….I knew you would, SW. Lots of light and I am thankful having you are a friend!

Torin

December 3, 2002

Always wise to wait until after the work is done to yell. With a big hug…