Saints Preserve Me From…

MORONS!

I seem to have attracted more than my fair share lately. How does this happen?

There’s a couple of theories in play about this. In the first scenario Like Attracts Like. I AB-SO-FREAKING-LUTELY refuse to even entertain the notion that I am a moron of such epic proportion!

The second scenario goes something like That which you avoid, you attract. All right. Let’s get realistic here for just one tiny moment. Just how exactly is this theory supposed to work? I avoid murderers…so should I be checking the sidewalk to see if, by my avoidance, I have actually attracted a few of them and they’re just hanging out on the lawn waiting to be invited in for a barbeque? (While they’re out there they could at least mow the grass…)

I think you have to take a test to prove you’re just that dang dumb to get a job in any area of customer service.

The bank who can’t find any record of my change of address and therefor cannot order me new checks…sends me a letter at that same new address of which they have no record.

The DSL company who promised I’d be up and running in 20 minutes – but forgot to mention I’d need the original operating system discs for my system (which I NEVER possessed). When questioned, they informed me that I could easily buy the entire operating system for $15.00. Right. More like $215.00.

The oven repairman who completely understood my desperation to get the fried (really bad pun, huh?) board which runs my oven replaced and would expedite the ordering, replacing, etc. Then he wouldn’t return my phone calls. Going on two weeks ovenless now… and if I can’t just shove something in the oven soon and have it cook up all nice and bubbly…….I’m gonna shove the repairman in the oven and hold my Bic under his ass.

The residential insurance agent… who quoted me a price. Then wouldn’t let me pay until closing. Then the price went up. BUT they didn’t tell me. I got a nasty notice of cancellation for non-payment of premium from the actual insurer. 3 weeks later – a $163.00 surprise. Yippee!

AND Chickie needs a root canal. Please. Can’t wait to see how THAT turns out. The opportunities for idiocy there are virtually limitless.

PLUS tonight is “Meet the Teachers” night at Chickie’s school. At least this year her grades are good enough that neither the teacher nor I should be too embarassed to actually speak to each other. Should be interesting. I’ve had minimal exposure to most of them already…. there’s the Art Nazi (NEVER seen a ‘creative’ type that was so freaking unbending and structured!) and the para-military World History teacher who keeps hoping we’ll go to war… and the English teacher who, for the last several years, has been teaching the kids that were so out of control they were considered “criminal” and isolated from the rest of the world. And let’s not forget the obsessive-compulsive algebra teacher who doesnt’ shake hands and makes generous use of anti-bacterial hand cleanser. Haven’t met the PE teacher yet… or a couple of the others…

AND on a final note: I heard someone being interviewed on the radio today. They stated that Saddam and Iraq were like rattlesnakes – and a rattlesnake is gonna bite you so we better just go kill em now before they do.

OK. Well.

Without getting into a political hawk/dove debate – the analogy SUCKS.

Yes, a rattlesnake will bite you – but not if you leave it alone. It only bites when it feels threatened. Mostly it will go out of its way to AVOID you and biting.

With that in mind…still want to keep that rattlesnake analogy? That would make us (the US) the big bad something which is making the snake feel threatened and causing it to bite…….. I don’t think I need to take this any further – you guys are all bright enough to follow it through to the logical conclusion.

Nuff said. I think I’ll go watch Lord of the Rings again…. I have a rich fantasy life, if nothing else!