January 29, 2002

What to Say – Where to Begin?

Well. This feels familiar, but strange. I’ve been away so long. I’m not even sure I can do this any more.

Snapshot of my life in early September: I had a new house. I was elated. I had managed to overcome my ex spousal unit’s credit betrayal, the lack of a downpayment, and the indecent housing costs here. I had bought this house all on my own. No help. It was mine. I don’t have to ask anybody anything. It has a wonderful yard in the back – a magical place. I was looking forward to learning the joys of gardening. (I already know the pitfalls!). My job was good. I had been there more than a year. There were frustrations, but the outlook was fairly positive. I had some new friends and was starting to get out and enjoy myself more. I had connected with a spiritual teacher that was insightful, fun and had a temprament which was wonderfully suited to my needs. My kids were OK. In short: I was on top of the world. I felt as if I had finally hit my stride and life was GOOD.

Let’s see if I can say this right. All of these good things had fallen into place without machinations by me. It was all just there. I had been given wonderful gifts and opportunities. It was so right.

Hop to the beginning of October…. and points forward. I was laid off from my job. Corporate downsizing, you know. My spiritual teacher picked up and moved to Seattle. Many of my new “friends” are unavailable to me. The job market is extremely tight. (Read that as nearly non-existant).

So, I buckled down. I sent out hundreds of resumes, resulting in a handful of interviews, resulting in zero job offers. I kept up spiritual practices and a positive attitude. I worked on my house. (At least that 20 year old gold flower/strip wallpaper is out of my kitchen!) I wallowed a bit and told myself that I can use the break.

Today – well today is yet another circumstance. I have withdrawn. Talking to folks has become a chore. I wallow. I make “To Do” lists and then do none of the items on the list. I am a master of mind numbing activities like crossword puzzles, television, computer games and reading. I don’t understand. I fell betrayed and angry. Why were all those wonderful things given to me, only to be yanked away? What am I doing wrong? I don’t even know what kind of job to look for any more. I’m not sure I want to do what I have been doing, but I am not in a spot financiallly where I can start over at the bottom of another profession. I’ve asked for help and guidance and cannot hear any answers. I am beginning to enter the PANIC ZONE

Having vented….do I feel better? Not sure. I guess what I really feel is like I’m at the last knot at the end of a rapidly fraying rope. Boy would I like to be rescued!

Coming back to OD is a way of reaching out of my shell. I MADE myself do this – not as a play for pity, but as a way to force myself back into the world. I hope this helps me get some momentum….and isn’t yet another item on my long list of mind-numbing activities. I gotta get a grip. Anybody seen my grip?????

darkart

January 30, 2002

*grin* No but you can get one now at only $3 in 10 easy downpayments, our friendly (ok we’re lying, they’re always rude and obnoxious) telephone operators are standing by. 😉 good to have you back sunshine! *hugs*

Okay, yanking your chain got you back here, a step in a direction positive. Wallow if you need, then do what you must each day. Take one more step. I can’t imagine all fell into place just to be torn out from under you. Perhaps this break is time for rest and reflection to prepare you for what falls in place next. Prepare yourself daily by being the strong woman you are!~creekatarnheim, nsi

Mns

January 30, 2002

*tosses a life preserver* hang on, SW, you can make it! take a deep breath and don’t panic. you’ve made a good start just by being here 🙂 use us as a sounding board and a source of encouragement! boy, am i familiar with that frayed end of the rope, mind numbing exercises, and having lost my grip. the old cliché is true, though, this too shall pass…. (c)

Mns

January 30, 2002

but it sure can be awful when you’re in the middle of those deep waters and feeling like your drowning in it all! take one day at a time, don’t berate yourself for things you can’t control or just can’t deal with now. accomplishing even one thing on that to do list is a step forward. and in the midst of depressing circumstances, try to see something positive. warm hugs to you~

Those wonderful things were not given to you. Machinations or not, you went out and earned/got those things. You can do it again. Its not fun, but its within reach. To do so, you must be out and about and showing people how bright you are. Get past “the shame” of telling people you are unemployed. People understand. Big hugs and a push.

There is something out there for you. Tie another knot and hang on. That’s all any of us can do. Having come through a few personal tragedies this year,I can attest to the support that comes from the people on this wonderful site!

BBe

January 30, 2002

I see it! It’s right where you put it. 🙂 This is a great place to start, even if it’s… over. Welcome back, Sunshine.

Losing a job is very demoralizing, I know from experience. Younger son has been out of work close to a year now, it is a tight market. Keep trying, the economy is turning around. Glad to see you back, BTW.

Oh, dearest and treasured Wolf, I know all too well what you are going through. I’ll hold onto your hand, if you’ll hold mine, and perhaps together we will keep from falling over the precipice. RYN: Yes, I am also at OD+. Do stop by there. My diary is public and OD users can leave notes if they sign in (OD Users Login). You’ll like the story. With a warm smile and a big hug…Torin the Unsigned

Welcome home, SW…*BIGGEST HUGS EVER*

I know! I’m working on them…got an e-mail in today about that. God girl! What you’ve been through. I’m so sorry. Glad to see you back and I sincerely hope things begin to pick up again all around you (I suspect they will too) and that you’ll keep writing. Keep us posted…~:) ArtImp, nsi

hey, gotta read at froglette at od plus, i can’t keep up with copying everything. Toad was operated on today, just too much to do with him throwing up on the walls and floors. YECH! good thing i hear my laptop is safe with y ou and not in the puke zone!!! ribbithead not signed in cuz this silly od signed me out.

i think toad tried to puke on your grip, but i saved it, got it right here, *tosses red bike grip* wait, that’s not it, *tosses porche keys* nO that’s not it. SAYS! HEY YOU, come down here for mardi gras party, this weekend or next, or during the week, bring kids if you like. If not, just email or something. don’t have the cell with hours, just fifty mins a whole month, so haven’t rung you up.

Kidd J

January 30, 2002

haven’t seen the grip…I don’t have mine so I’m not much help there. I’m so glad to see you back here SW! Things happen for a reason…not sure most of the time what those reasons could possibly be…but they define us. The more shit life throws at you, the stronger you become. {{{big hugs}}}

i feel so sad for you . it is a cycle , no telling how long but it will spiral away . meantime , stop hitting yrself . part of yr depression is anger , try to identify it and squash it . then find some “extra” $ go out and get yr hair and nails done . then do some cold calling / drop in job hunting. eat some chocolate ……. after the job hunting 😉 HUGS

El Coyote Loco

January 31, 2002

It’s a start! It’s very much a start. Your support network is still here, as you have already hopefully noticed…. and for some direct Coyote wisdom, check out Hope 102: Light In All The Dark Places (1/4/02) in my diary…

*hugs* your grip may be out of sight but you were away for so long and yet you still have so many friends here wanting to lend you support. I understand about talking being a chore, I find that sometimes and people don’t get it. Even if you don’t feel it right now, you’re a winner and you’ll get through this. ermen

*hugs* Well I can’t find my own grip so I guess I’ll be no help with yours…thanks for dropping by. I really wish you all the best with your job-hunting. {{SW}}

Reaching out is difficult when you’re feeling that overwhelmed. I know. I’ve been there. Good for you for taking the step to overcome the inertia. It’ll get better. Luna, nsi. 🙂

Willy & Wilma

February 4, 2002

{{{{{{{Sunshine Wolf}}}}}}} Please stay positive and you WILL find that job!

hey, you can bring some of the animals, even some of the kids if you want, we’ve got room in the gutters, (re joke my entry of cleaning them before the groundhog day party). Anyway, donvito came, so did shadow, two canine friends. True both are small house sized dogs, where does that come from? As big as a house? 🙂

how the hell did i get unsigned? something is majorly wrong over here, that was me, froglette, winifroglette too, i think the cookies here have gone BONKERS! that’s what i think. Come on down and bring whomever.

your duaghter could make a better cake than the one i tried to make on his bday! 🙂 HOwever all was not lost, the neighbor made one without flu and coughing fits, virus fevers and baking powder instead of baking soda! 🙂

how am i not signed in, that was froglette. I SIGNED IN and just posted an entry. sheesh! od is dirivng me nuts!