Breathing

How things change. One day she was sitting on top of the world and dancing. Maybe the music of the dance became too important; tantalizing, snaring, blinding. She wasn’t really aware of what had happened, only that she had mis-stepped and that the euphoric tune she had been dancing to had become a cacophony in her ears and she could no longer find a step to match the sounds.

Bewildered, angry and feeling betrayed, she withdrew into a world that was nothing more than the power of invention. Oh yes, she accomplished things in that vapor world. She numbed her senses by losing herself in printed words. She cried out at the injustices and raged at the world. She looked for help, and found no one but herself. The irony was, that she had cut herself off from even herself.

And so she went deeper inside, performing rituals and seeking to embrace her pain and trace its roots. She planted, puttered, cleaned, burned, covered herself in clay, and sat on the Mother. And still she did not feel either whole or connected.

Then one evening she realized just what bad shape she was truly in. She became conscious that her situation was not ever going to improve until she took hold of her power firmly and began to move forward. The way to her sacred cave had been blocked when she retreated into the pits. Now, she needed to open the doorway again.

She gathered the beneficial powers around her and went to the meadow. Looking up, she could see the entrance to the sacred cave. Closing her eyes, she focused her will. Opening her eyes, she saw that the way was once again open and she was, indeed, in the entry span of her cave. She looked at the familiar walls, black as night and flecked with chips of crystals and pyrite that looked like jewels, and felt a homecoming. Looking around her, she discovered that the room was full of beautiful feathers. They hung suspended from the ceiling, floating in the air, and lining the walls. As she gazed around in wonderment and appreciation of this wonderful gift, she noticed a headdress. It looked like an Indian War Bonnet and she felt that she was to put it on.

But wait – the ever-questioning doubt arose – women are not to wear this.

“Put it on”, came the reply. And she did. It was glorious, streaming down her back nearly to the floor, and it was sacred.

A song of guttural noises came to her and she danced, hopping, shuffling and stepping around the room, and then down the passageway to the rear exit of the cave. When she came to the exit, she took the headdress off and placed it on a ledge by the doorway. Then she took off her clothing as well, folding it and placing it next to the headdress.

She stepped out of the cave and into a beautiful meadow. The sun was warm and felt glorious on her skin. She needed to connect with the Earth Mother so she sat down. She had much to be rubbish to be cleared from her mind and body. Not knowing what else to do, she imagined a tiny, powerful vacuum inside of her sucking up all the dirt, the dust, the junk. Then she took a feather duster and brushed away the remaining dust. Immediately she felt clean and empowered. She rose and took a few steps – and found herself on a deserted beach.

The water was gently lapping up onto the sugary fine sand and it beckoned her. She lay down at the water’s edge and relaxed, melting into the earth as the water softly washed over her. Then, still at the water’s edge, she rose to her knees and faced outward – away from the shore and towards the endless expanse of water spreading out before her. In an attitude of joy she cupped her hands, filled them with water, raised them to the sun and let the water run out between her fingers. She did this over and over again – countless times. With each offering of water she held up, she felt an infusion of power. She rose up and began to dance along the shore, gathering power with each step, each breath. Her song arose, giving further power to her movements. She stopped, opened her arms wide and took the stance of the Goddess – reaching to the heavens.

She had been tested – and nearly failed by losing herself in the depths. No more. With each breath she took she could feel an infusion of power, an exchange with the universe around her. She closed her eyes, silently gave thanks, wrapped her power around her and stepped back into the world.