Cleaning House

There was one more notable event this past weekend that I did not mention in my last entry. My ‘roomie’ left. I dropped him off at the bus station so he could head for parts unknown and heaved a sigh of relief. Thank you powers that be for answering that prayer.

Some of you will remember that just before I moved to Atlanta I had met a fella who was seemed to be genuinely nice, thoughtful and kind. I was not in love with him, but he professed his love for me. Naturally, when I left, he was sad to see me go. I was sad to leave him, but also relieved. By putting some distance between us I would not have to deal with another relationship. It had been fun while it lasted and I could always look back at that budding relationship fondly and with nostalgia.

A couple of months after I moved, my Bear took some vacation time and came to visit for two weeks. I warned him that I would have to work and so would not be much of a hostess. He didn’t mind. He said he was contemplating moving to Atlanta and had some interviews set up. Oh, says I. Well, if that’s what you want – but you will be getting your own place, right? Oh yes – that’s right. His own place.

The two weeks he spent here were enjoyable. I learned to play chess (not well, mind you) and we ate out. One weekend another friend of mine and her boyfriend came up and we played all weekend. Bear was helpful, washing dishes, helping out, being caring. I should have figured it out then.

I kept waiting for him to go interview. What it turned out to actually be is that he was trying to secure some interviews in the 2 weeks that he was visiting. Well, maybe I had misunderstood.

He rode home with my friends. I heard later that he had big plans for “us”. My girlfriend kept saying, “Does SW know about this?” I later talked to him about it and was told he understood my feelings, no problem. My friend had misunderstood what he said. Oh.

Well, then the place he worked was bought out by another place….and he was suddenly jobless. Perfect time to move! I conceded enough to offer him temporary lodgings with the emphasis on temporary. He bought a new car, loaded up and trekked up to Atlanta. I heard from my friend about more big plans. I was very clear with Bear that he would have to move out once he was gainfully employed. I made no space for him in my closet, my dresser, my living space in general. I didn’t want him to get too comfy.

He was soon employed. We enjoyed each other – played cards, went places, ate out. I was just about to remind him that he should look for another place to live, when I became unemployed. Oh shit. He was not contributing much to the finances of the household, but every little bit helped. I bit the bullet.

Did I mention that he had a brand new car when he moved in which was repossessed shortly after he got here for non-payment? There were conflicting stories about what happened there as well. I was getting ever uneasier and had become his taxi as well. I began to resent him. He also quit helping out around the house except for very sporadic fits. I never knew when the help would come or if it would come.

I got another job and shortly before Thanksgiving informed Bear it was time he left. He promised to look. Then his work schedule became horrendous. He was working 7 days a week, 12 hours a day. No time to look for lodging. I let this go on until after Christmas and then gently reminded him that I need my space. He agreed again. Shortly after that he got into a disagreement with upper management and quit his job. I reminded him again that I was providing TEMPORARY lodging. As soon as he got a job, he said.

I don’t know exactly when it happened, but somehow by some form of tacit agreement he began to sleep in my son’s vacant room rather than with me. It didn’t bother me a bit. At first he looked diligently for a job. He really shouldn’t have much trouble finding one I thought. Then he began to disappear into the bedroom and I wouldn’t see him for days. Some nights I would come home and dinner would be cooked, but he would not eat with us. Other nights I simply wouldn’t see him at all.

My daughter began to rage against him living there. I explained that I agreed with her and it was time for him to get out, but he had no place to go. Please try to be charitable. Charity is not her middle name.

Two weeks ago he announced that if this last job interview didn’t work out, he was going back to Tampa. Then I didn’t see him again until this past Friday. I didn’t even hear him. I saw no evidence of him eating, bathing, drinking, living. I began to imagine the worst and wonder what it would be like to call 911 to report a dead man in my son’s room. Suddenly he emerged and asked me to take him to the bus station. Big sighs of relief all around.

Today I have been cleaning. I want all traces of him and his energy removed from my home. I have smudged the apartment with sweet grass and sage. Tomorrow I will do it again. Things are looking up, at least in that area.

Now, Blue Eyes…..about that kilted chemist……….I figure he’s just about the right distance away for me to talk with him.