The Bet

I get to work very early every day. I am a morning person. My mind works much clearer at 6 A.M. than it does at 6 P.M. That’s just a fact of my make-up that I’ve learned to live with. It does make things a bit awkward at work sometimes though, because the folks that I work with are mostly night owls. You all know the stories about computer geeks….they eat twinkies and cheetos and rarely see the light of day because they work all night and sleep late. The folks I work with are more prone to eating Wendys and McDonalds, but the work hours are right in line with that theory.

I am normally the first or second person to arrive at work. The only other real competition for the title of early-bird is the company president. Parking is at a premium and getting there early assures me that I get a space. Not only do I get a space, but I get THE primo space, right by the front door and away from other vehicles. All that is about to change.

Today we started a new family tradition at work. We vote on a Wizard each month. The Wizard is our version of employee of the month. It seems that the “prize” for being the Wizard is my favorite parking spot – starting tomorrow. Damn!

This evening, as I was leaving, the Pres took delight in teasing me about the loss of my parking spot. Feeling a bit spunky, I informed him that I would now be taking what I perceive to be the next best parking spot – the one that he usually parks in. Ha! Take away MY space will you!?! His doubted that I would be able to do that since, in his not-so-humble opinion, I never beat him to the office. Well, don’t you know that sounded very much like a challenge to me!

I informed el presidente that I had, in fact, beat him to work this very morning. In fact, overall we are about 50-50 on who gets there first. Well, don’t you know that sounded very much like a challenge to him!! Sure enough – he made me an offer. We are to monitor who gets there first for the next 7 work days. At the end of that time there will be a “winner” (whoever gets there earliest the most times) and a “loser” (second place is the same as last place).

The bet started out as lunch. The loser would have to buy the winner lunch. OK. Harmless bet. No big deal – I can buy a geek MdDonalds. But then, just as we were about to seal the deal, a spark appeared in his eyes. It was an eerie evil light. He seemed a man possessed.

“No –wait!” “I have a better idea.” It wasn’t the words that struck fear in my heart, it was the demonic light gleaming in his eyes.

So…..here’s the bet. If he wins, I have to address him as “Captain, my Captain” for an entire day – in all conversations, e-mail, any sort of communications. If I win, he must address me by my rightful title of Goddess.

Even more harmless than lunch, and certainly cheaper, right? Not so! This man is President of our company. Not only that, but he has an evil twin living within. If I lose, he will seek me out doggedly for the entire day and force me to speak to him. He will send hundreds of e-mails requiring a reply. He will page me on the loudspeaker and require a reply in kind. He will call a company-wide meeting and grill me during it, just to make sure that EVERYONE hears me address him as “Captain, my captain”.

OK, to be fair, I will do much the same to him. I will even contrive to have a company meeting launched just so I can question him. The point here is not who possesses the evilest twin within, but who will have to smiling survive an entire day of humiliation. Personally, I am not big on humiliation…..at least not when it’s my humiliation.

I have set my alarm 30 minutes earlier than usual. If that’s not enough for tomorrow, I will set it earlier on Friday. I am considering putting a mat in my office so I can go back to work around midnight and sleep there. I have an extra tv…..there is security all night in the building…..and I can even borrow my daughter’s play station. There are bathrooms, complete with showers and a fridge and microwave. I can do this. I know I can!

Please, if you have any extra energy bouncing around, bundle it up and send it my way. I can lose this bet, but swallowing the pill that comes with that loss, won’t come easy!