Rage….and then some

I thought I had a handle on it. I really did. I thought the rage was not merely contained, but gone. Oh sure, there are occasional spurts of anger, but those are mostly short and not out of the area of what can be considered as normal. It has been a long time since I have had a visit from the wrath dragon.

I should have known better. It was not dead but rather sleeping, lying dormant in hibernation, waiting its chance. Tonight the demon awoke full of fury, anger, rage and uncontrolled passion.

The agent that woke this menace was my daughter. It was nothing horrible. You know kids it is part of their genetic makeup to do things which are designed for no other purpose that to drive their parents over the edge. Its part of our daily existence. But today..today was another story.

I started expressing my displeasure in calm measured tones. The sort of tones that mean I am not merely angry, I am furious. Quiet, calm, measured tones. My daughter stood there gaping at me, unsure of how she should respond. She knew this quiet anger is the most dangerous.

Then I lost it. I totally, completely 100% lost my mind and went insane. I ranted, I raved, I raged. Some wellspring deep inside of me opened up and pure venom began pouring forth from it. I was crying. My daughter was stunned. Then she was crying. And the band raged on. I knew I was dangerously close to the edge. If I had been at all sane, I would have been scared of myself. As it was, I am fairly certain I scared the wits out of my daughter. I am sure she thought her mother had gone psycho and would never come back from the brink.

I took small kernels of truth and blew them so far out of proportion that even their own mothers would not have recognized them. Irrational is an understatement. I was a ball of fury that knew no bounds. The flood kept up until it was spent. I was aware of what was happening but somehow powerless to stop it, no matter how I willed it otherwise.

I dont know where this anger came from. I do not know why it chose to wake today. I dont know if it will come back again or when. I do know that I was totally unfair to my daughter tonight and I deeply regret it. I dont think I can possibly make it up to her. This cannot be undone. I am tired and worn out and am going to bed. I dont know what else to do.

I like the way you’ve expressed yourself. I wouldn’t worry about it. I’m sure she deserved it, and I’m sure she knew it. Daughters know it. – Twisted & Marble Sands

I’ve been there. I don’t know how to stop it, but I do know that lots of hugs and crying together as soon as possible afterwards helps.

Ooops! The holidays are a hard time to stay calm sometimes darlin. I’m glad David and the Princess were able to give you a pick (me) up though. Hot bath, meditate, forgive (yourself.) Love,

Things add up. Many frustrations accumulate to turn into a tempest in a teacup. Let your daughter know you love her. It’s OK to apologize. You won’t lose stature by doing so. And give her a hug as well.

If she has never seen how angry you can really get maybe it was good for her.Children need to know we can only be pushed so far.But then again if she didn’t deserve it,time to kiss and make-up. ;-}

BlueEyes

December 8, 1999

With all you’ve been through these past couple of months, it’s not surprising. Forgive yourself.

Kidd J

My favs list said u hadn’t made an entry for over a week..today I see u’v made several! OD is getting to me..RAGE..sometimes I get like that too..(((HUGS)))

My heart goes out to you. I know all too well the Nasty Dragon, too…

I can’t believe you know the exact speech I’m referring to (OSHA). Yeah, the blood born pathogens stopped me for a second, but he just couldn’t say the SEX one, so he lost me again!

You can always say sorry, but point out she has to take some responsibility for what happened too. If your buttons get pushed like that, you can turn it into a learning curve to find out the anger source

Well, I understand why, sugar, the last few months for you haven’t been too pleasant.So sorry, SW,hug, hug, REALLY BIG HUG. Try not to worry,it would take a lot more than a little dragon breath to undo the love you have for each other. [Catherine]A1031

I have experienced this same thing. I was ready to kill my young kids one day. They had done nothing to deserve my tirade. Kids forgive very easily. They know you are a 99.9 percent well balanced person. 🙂

We are all human, look in the mirror and work on forgiving yourself. Remember the anger – fear connection. Figure out what you are afraid of and expose it to the light of day…

You can make it right Sunshine. I’m sure if you ask, she’ll forgive you. In some situations I think the worst thing we can do is nothing. God bless!

Take some time out for yourself. You and your daughter probably need some time apart. Then let her know that you are sorry for hurting her and losing your temper. It happens to all of us. I think she’ll understand.

You thought that three hundred dollar pet deposit was worth rage. Well i was Outraged, or frograged. :0) AH levity, it does have it’s place doesn’t it? MY dad sold the house, now where will i sleep? the zoo?

the dragon/the well of anger, it does have to come out somehow. There is a book, THE DANCE of Anger. I’d recommened it. I read it long ago, and i think it did in some way help. Shall we tango? I’ll look

Some well-deserved sleep and then forgiveness and explanations and apoligies. All will be okay.

ahh, dear lady…no matter how superhuman we try to be and the books and experts tell us we should be..we are after all..only human..apologize to her..write a ltter…hug her..and do your best to explain..she knows you love her..*hugs*

once again the wisdom of Tuppence more than deserves my endorsement…also, i have learned that my children respect me more after i accept responsibiltiy for my crap – it models personal responsibility for them.

Let’s face it, everyone screws up in life – we need to show our kids how to take responsibility for our screw ups, brush ourselves off, get up and move forward…peace to you –

hey, don;t worry too much. I may give the impression of being the perfect nanny, but I have also been known to lose it. I feel bad for weeks and what makes it worse is that as soon as I apologise the kids give

me a hug and forgive me. I think maybe twice I have made H feel totally stupid. How? Why? because we have other stresses going on in our own lives and no-one’s perfect, no matter how hard we may try to give

the ‘right lessons’ we cannot be impartial 100% of the time 🙂 ermen

I’ve missed reading your entries so very much. You are most talented in the words you use to express yourself! I think that many of us can relate to this entry. The moster within me usually rears it’s head

at least once every one to two years. And, while I know that it is probably lying dormant – it never fails to surprise and/or shock me and others around. Peace 🙂