Egotistical Maniac

Re-member that old C/W song…….”Yes I ad-MIT, I got a think-in prob lem……” Well substitute e-go for think-in…..and that’s my theme song right now. I am having a bit of an ego struggle at my job.

Here’s the scoop. I am a Project Manager. In a nutshell, that means I get to utilize my natural tendency (tendency hell – I have it down to an art form!) to tell people what to do all day AND get paid for it. Momma always said to find a job doing something you like and you’re good at! More specifically a PM is the glue that holds any project together, coordinating all activities to get from point A (receiving a customer order) to point Z (delivering the order to the customer) and beyond. It is their burden to find ways to solve all problems that pop up and meet the sometimes (oftentimes) ludicrous & ridiculous goals that management sets. PMs are in all sorts of businesses from construction to manufacturing to software development. It takes a certain personality type to do this job well. You have to be able to do 75 things at once (yes – all of you with children would make good PMs). You have to be able to relate to everyone involved in the project and figure out how to get blood out of some of those turnips. Hard-nosed, bitchy, thick-skinned, perfectionist, compassionate, helpful, encouraging, task master, team-player, leader, smooth talker, inventive, big thinker…..these are all good adjectives for a PM and necessary qualities. Yep – something of a split personality is required.

I was hired into my current job because they are badly in need of someone with this skill set and knowledge of the overall process. Up to this point they have had no one person taking this on and the duties of Project Management have been spread out through the company – a little here, a little there. They don’t even know everything they need in this area. This is my area of expertise – so here I am.

But, they aren’t bowing down to me. Damn their hides! My boss is the wrong person. PMs should only report to top management (in a company my size that’s the Pres only). Anything else is like letting a fox loose in the hen house. If I report to one of the department heads that I am monitoring, then all status reports can be skewed in that department’s favor rather than the universally offensive format they should be in. (That was my PM sense of humor – what it really should be is totally unbiased & factual – many times that is the same as offensive). I am having a huge problem reporting to this fellow and taking direction from him. First off, I know more about this than he does. It’s like a jeweler taking direction from a veterinarian. Every time he talks my hackles rise. I want direct access and input to the Pres, but that’s not my defined role.

I am GOOD at what I do. I do not need to be told why proven systems won’t work. They do work. I have seen them work. I have made them work. Do you hear me??? I am good AND knowledgeable AND experienced. For the love of all that’s right with the world – that’s why you hired me!

I find myself automatically discounting things that others say. This is dangerous. I am not the only one with a brain in that company and I have to stop believing I am. This is a great group of people and all very talented in their fields. I have much to offer, but don’t feel like I am getting heard. I feel like a spoiled brat wailing “I only want to talk to the pres – not you peons!”

My natural tendency is to be direct – sometimes to the point of abruptness. If 2 +2 is 4 – why do I have to call it 5? This serves me well in some arenas (like actually getting the job done), but not when it comes to climbing the corporate ladder. You’d think I’d learn by now – but I just don’t.

I have a healthy sized ego. Bo knows sports and I know PM. It is a struggle for me to put that aside. I don’t know how and it is a lesson I must learn. But I AM good, dammit! See? My ego taking a back seat is damn near impossible. This is going to be a bumpy road but a necessary one for me to travel.

Anybody know the recipe for Humble Pie?