Nightmare

Just woken up from a horrible nightmare…. 

Started off I was a care worker on playscheme again, looking after James P and Sophie S, who weren’t well and had deteriorated since I looked after them (about 8 years ago).  Playscheme leader knew what I meant but said there was nothing I could do.  James just kept clinging on to me (like he used to when he went swimming.

Then it turned into a school / youth club of sorts. I fancied B…. ??? who was Cameron Diaz’s sister (who looked a lot like Vicky T)  I was friends with a group of girls. 

Had a piggy back fight with 4 other lads.  Mine partner was B…  This was fun.

Sports shop did a recall – gorgeous clothes/  wetsuits ruined.   Then there was a fire at one side of  the school – loads of people were trapped alive.  School held a disco to try and lighten people up.  Felt totally excluded from every group.  Uni lot were there proper pushing me out.  (That ginger bloke, Shaun – the blonde guy… Steve and Heather’s lot)  Can imagine this exclusion part was a relapse to my uni days where I had a tendency to feel left out from C block group.  Although this felt 100 times worse.

Finally found a group of nice girl mates – had to push one other girl out for all my new girlfriends to sit and eat with. Wasn’t nice – but neither was this girl.   I hate pushing people out of a group

Then news of another fire broke out – hundreds dead (including those trapped alive)  I even saw them die –  a huge white cloud, swept over them and they "froze".  Including B… who I had fallen in love with.  I was devastated but really looked after new best friend.  Just wanted to be there for her.

Then we had to pull together for the school championship – sports – swimming, volley ball, water polo, etc. but I wasn’t on the team.  We were two schools mixed together and normally didn’t do well, but added with everyone being upset over the fire. I tried to cheer them on but I couldn’t speak (physically) and so couldn’t help.  Other school tried to fight us and I went round beating loads of people up. I was like a monster, really hurting these people.

Then weird headmistress and two senior members of staff said we needed a school reform and we needed to go from our fabulous uniform into a grey skirt, light blue socks, green blazer uniform!  And it was like a finishing school.  I still couldn’t speak – blamed my parents.  Was horrible watching three other school mates being forced into this school uniform.

Was such a weird dream.  I’ve no idea what it means, but have such a nagging feeling now I’m awake.  Bits I can really feel are that I didn’t have chance to tell B…. that I love him  (no idea who this is/was supposed to be) I also know that it was a lovely feeling having this gorgeous best friend (cameron Diaz)  who I really wanted to stop feeling hurt and just be there for  (again, no idea who this actually was)

Don’t really expect any of you to understand this / interpret it (mainly as I know it’s utter garbage) but I know I needed to write it down as it was so vivid and otherwise I won’t be able to sleep.