Domestic

Sorry for lack of updates…

I’m really happy being single. For the most part.  I’ve reread most of my old diaries and I’ve realised that I really don’t want to be in a relationship with anyone I’ve been with previously.

I had a talk on domestic abuse yesterday at work. It was really difficult to deal with because I just kept remembering Mike from Uni.  And really, Mike (from down south) was well on his way towards domestic abuse – the controlling, isolation crap, etc.  I swore when I left Uni Mike that I’d never go back to someone who controlled me or made me feel like shit, yet I found myself right back there.  At least Southern Mike didn’t hit me, throw things at me, or throw me across a room. 

The main point about the domestic abuse talk was that people find it really difficult to call the police.  All my colleagues said in that situation (a bloke was violent and threatening) they would phone the police, I said I wouldn’t.  I put myself back in the position where uni MIke broke my door down (solid oak), grabbed me (far too forcefully) and threw me across the room, landing on and breaking a set of drawers.  I left the house and roamed the streets, wondering who to call (at 3am), whether I should go back to my parents, which friends to ring, or whether I should call the police.  So many horrible feelings runnning through my head, I eventually went back home, where Mike apologised, and told me it wouldn’t happen again.  Clearly it did and things only finally came to a head when Dad overheard him talking like an arsehole to me on the phone, just after he’d thrown an iron at me.  Dad told me I had to leave right there and then, so I did.  Stupidly, I did look back, but I really wish I hadn’t.

I like being alone now.  There are obviously very hard times, like all my friends being in couples, and me feeling like the third wheel, I miss intimacy, snuggling up on a sofa and telling them about my day.  But really, I just enjoy being able to live my own life, not having anyone to answer to, I Just enjoy being me!  I’m going to have to find someone who accepts who I am (smoking, drinking, my "rough" friends and awkward family) and loves me for me.  If they don’t it’s tough, and I’m happy to be a single girl forever!!  (Living without sex may be tough though!)