Back to the Blue

I follow the therapist’s suggestions. I do the guided meditations. I have immersed myself into PS4 games.

It’s been a year and then some, the papers are signed, the kids are alright, she obviously has no regrets, no one but me gives a shit, but……

I am so depressed.

I woke today with all the weight of the world on me. I fight back tears for something that even a magic wand won’t fix. What’s wrong with me? Why do I think any other 49yr old man who has just walked away from a divorce free and clear and only paying minimum amounts of money, no one to answer to, and all the time in the world, would just dance in the streets.

Not me. I justify been hurt, even if I can not understand what it was I did. Why does she have so much resentment? She never mentioned things for 18+ years. She hugged, kissed, and said she loved me the morning of the day she ended us.

I am trying to make sence of living “Twilight Zone” episode I find myself in, but I just can’t.