Can’t Make Time or Won’t Make Time

This was going to be an entry about wanting to move home with the people who understand me because it’s been eating at my entire soul lately, but I got side-tracked by something that just happened.

Truth be told, I get stuck on some things and obsess about them. But there’s so many reasons why I do that. It’s a nagging feeling that I need to be near the people that make me feel like myself.

I come to work and I am semi-friends with the registrar and we talk about kids and stuff because our boys are close in age and she and I are close in age.

When I go in t break to talk to her she tells me that when I was leaving work on Friday and talking to my principal and vice principal about my prescription sunglasses (long story short, I was matching with my VP but didn’t have glasses and I said that I can’t find them or didn’t have time to find because Atlas).

One of our teachers who is 36, no kids by choice (which is fine), pretends to be super friendly, talks about how Christian she is every minute, says to our registrar while rolling her eyes, “Can’t make time or won’t make time to find them…” – talking about my glasses. What.

Like. First of all…I don’t even talk to you because I have a very intense fake sensor and it goes off anytime I’m close to you. Also…you like to make it known that kids would ruin your body and you like time with your husband….you said that while I was pregnant in the staff room…so….literally I hate you. You also act like you’re still 17 trying to get that “POW” out on your snowboard every week so please. Please don’t comment on anything that has to do with me.

Old me would probably somehow find a passive agressive way to respond to her about it. I might still. But that sounds exhausting and I won’t do or say anything about it.

I just don’t care. I care in the way that I want to be done with this school and also go home to Oregon, but other than that…She means nothing. She added me to social media a few years back, so all I can do is delete her from that and block her and then sort of try and block her at my job. We don’t work together often, so it’s really not a big deal. I do my thing at work and I teach a subject by myself, so collaboration isn’t expected from me, except for when I got to meetings with other people who teach my subject.

I want to be with people I can just talk to that don’t say stupid shit about me. They know nothing about my life, where I came from, what I like, what I don’t like, etc. I’m literally over this place. I like to jump ship when things get hard. It’s true. But there’s absolutely nothing for me in this state without my family and friends. Just my husband and my boy. My boy who I want to grow up with his family and my friends.

I’ve got to figure something out. I need to get home and stop moving away from the people that matter to me.