[x]That’s Not What Our Lord Wanted
Well well well….I missed the bus to go to school today. How GREAT does that sound? Well…actually my sister missed the bus (due to me TRYING to look for my house keys so I could lock the freagin’ door!!)…So yeah, I am not at school right now. Well, it’s a good thing it’s Friday 
!!! Lol…
So how have you all been lately. You know, it’s really sad because this is like the ONLY time I can get on the computer…when my brother and mom are not around. I hardly get on anymore time on the computer. I sooo can not wait til’ we figure out HOW to get my laptop an internet connection. Because it is hard enough as it is to EVEN get 5 minutes on the computer. Due to that, I never really get to talk to my friends online anymore. I have to call them all the time now (which isn’t a bad thing…unless they have things to do….then it would be!)..
Well, I guess things are going better with me and Michael now…but I’m getting to the point where I’m afraid to be myself around him. Why? Well, I didn’t really meantion to you all that I did some “things” with him that I am not proud of (but still a virgin, thank Goodness)…and it was a little farther than I would have liked it to be. Anyway, I was talking to Michael the other day (after I was done talking to 2 of my friends, convincing me to not go out with hiim again) and Michael wanted to have phone sex with me. He was begging me to do it with him and I was like “Michale not now” and he was like “Oh baby, come on. Just this once? I want to do this with you because we love eachother…” (or something in the lines of that) as I kept telling him no. Finally I got frustrated and I said “Michael, I’m not ready for all that stuff yet”….but I wasn’t trying to be mean. Then all of a sudden he says “I’m gonna have to go because I’m getting angry”. I asked him why he was angry and he was like “Because you did all that stuff to me in the past and all of a sudden you don’t want to do it anymore!”. Then I said “Look, it was a mistake. We shouldn’t have been doing all those things in the first place. I wasn’t ready for it yet…plus, I want to put God first. And if you respect me, you’ll respect my wishes!”….and he was like “Well, I just don’t understand why you did all that and NOW you won’t…I don’t like the fact that you were leading me on“…
…I started to cry when he said that. He made me feel like I was such a whore. When he heard me cry over the phone he was like “Amber, I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have said that”. But I was like “Whatever, I’ll just go like you intented me too because you just said something that really set me off–” and he kept begging me not to get off the phone and that he was sorry and that he was just really confused. Part of me wanted to hang up on him because of how hurt and angry I was.However, the other part told me to listen. I already know that me and him are not meant to be together….I just feel it. I can’t see myself having a family with him. His family is nice…but he is so different from them in some ways.
..Anyway, we got along fine after that and we both hung up the phone at 1:38 AM (I would assume) and I went to bed. He hasn’t really asked me about sex lately anymore, which I’m thankful for. I’m not ready for that yet. You know, I’m not like other teenagers…so why should I sell myself short in give my virginity away like most girls have. Plus, I don’t want to lose it with someone that I am now doubting that we are gonna be together for long. Michael is a nice person, he really REALLY is, and he will always be a good friend, but I want to lose it after marriage (like God intended) and lose it to someone who loves God as much as I do…and help me to get closer and closer to God EACH time I am with him. Someone who would jump and praise the Lord as much as me…someone who will keep me on track on our Father’s word. Someone that is gonna make me feel special when I’m with him…and I know he’s out there somewhere. I hope God points me to the man that’s gonna help me keep on keeping on 
Well, I’m gonna go. I love you all soo much! Take care and may God always be with you now and forever.
In Christ’s Love,
~Amber~
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Quote: “The Lord is my salvation and my rock”
Psalm 18:2
