Happy New Years!

Happy New Year!

So I had a nice evening …

… until the Canadian winter hit.

 

My friends and I went to a little bar

Which was quasi-burlesque themed.

We danced the night away, lol, to like

70s music and general motown which

Was actually really fun and I was like …

Sweet … working off my birthday cake lol.

 

I had a sweet (well sexy) surplice romper

On and I personally thought it was an ugly

Colour but everyone really loved it … I made

Sure to put on some brighter jewelery to pop.

Uhm my friends were all oogling at my boobs

Haha … awkward but they do that a lot … *sigh*

 

I didn’t really spend ANY money on alcohol at

The bar … I just (like a classy girl) bought some

Gin, mixed it, and drank it on the subway there.

Then we went to the park and popped some

Champagne before we went into the bar …

 

A was totally wasted as fuck and couldn’t

Remember getting there or being there …

Basically all she remembered is walking

And getting a chilli dog at the 711 at like 1 AM.

What a highlight! Haha. Poor girl ….

 

Everyone else was good as tipsy goes …

But omg we were on Queen West in the end

And within two hours it started snowing, it

Was super windy, and it was so damn cold!

And that is the Canadian winter kicking in

When no one wants it to … so at 2 am we

Left the second bar and headed to the streetcar

Stop and waiting for like EVER to get into it and

When we did get into it it was packed and I felt

Like I was having the air squeezed out of my chest.

But like a few stops later ppl got off and we just like

Climbed over people awkwardly to get two seats

And luckily we all fit onto the two seats the three of us.

 

So we were like … well we’re going to the end of

The line so let’s just take a sleep on the streetcar.

So all of our heads are on each other’s shoulders.

I open my eyes and look up and there’s L … I was

Like … WTF? SJDLKAJSDKJASLJDLAJDLJALDJLAD.

So awk. So obviously I say hi and A starts doing all

The talking while I kind of just rest on her shoulder.

And K keeps looking at me and I’m like POKER FACE

POKER FACE POKER FACE … except for the odd chime in.

So remember this is the guy who’s been chasing me

For what … 4 years now? Wait … 5 years now!

Oh lordie. So we were short turned (of freaking course)

and so I just begged K to get us a taxi and we headed off.

 

So I just left him a quick text hoping he got home soon.

Cause it was so freaking cold. And I guess I shouldn’t

Have done that … cause I came home … looked at my

Phone and it’s like … damnit I let him in! Haha so obvi

He was suggesting we should hang out and I always

Say sure or whatever …. literally sure … not like anything

Really exciting cause I know I’ll just avoid him as usual.

So I was like k … I’m going to sleep now … and did that.

 

I don’t know … I don’t really know him … cause I avoid him …

But I’m not physically attracted him … but he’s not BAD or

Anything … just not my type … then in my head I’m always

Thinking … excuse the bluntness … that a f buddy wouldn’t

Be so bad … in fact that’s exactly what I’d want because I

Don’t want a relationship because school always comes

First and I besides friends and family I don’t want anyone

Else taking up my time … yes there … I guess I’m cold.

It’s sorta horrible because when I start to get involved with

A guy … I KNOW that I will leave him if he starts taking up

My time and I’m honest about it … I feel like I’m the man.

Haha, but then again I also like having the upper hand.

But I still feel guilty because the guys are all lovely … I

Just would rather be friends with benefits … but I’d never

Ask for that … I feel that would be kinda embarrassing.

 

So back to L … I don’t know … I don’t even think I’d want

Him as an f buddy BECAUSE I’m not attracted to him.

So I’d take him on as a friend … just a friend … no funny

Business cause I hear he’s a pretty good friend. Enough.

 

Back to holiday times. It’s been great but I fucked up my

Neck in bed and couldn’t move it for 2-3 days. Lame I know.

But I’ve just been seeing my friends lots and having great

Times with them! Its been quite lovely. And S has ditched

Us. So it’s been even MORE lovely! Oh god … she’s HORRIBLE

To her boyfriend and I’m sorry … her boyfriend wants to be

A lawyer … and he can’t even put her in her place … he doesn’t

Have the balls to be a lawyer … haha I’ve been told I’d be

A kickass one though … but it just sucks because he’s a really

Good guy and she treats him like dirt … and it’s like … K

She has a horrible personality, she does horribly in school,

And she’s not even good looking …. what is left? Nothing.

Why is he with her? He should be focussing on getting into

A good law school and fulfilling his dreams … instead

He’s wasting time with her. God it was so gross … we were

At a holiday party and she was eating like chicken wings like

A pig as usual … and she had all the sauce on her hands …

And she just leans over and wipes it on his dress pants …

(Yeah he actually put the effort into looking nice unlike her) …

And I was like …what is next? Blowing her nose in his shirt?

Disgusting. If a guy did that to me … I’d be like … what do

You think of me that makes you think this is okay behaviour?

And then like she yelled across the room ‘Hey R, remember

When you used to be fat?’ and it’s like … great cause we’d

All love to have that unknown fact announced in a crowded

Room … everyone was like wtf? Don’t say shiz like that! And

He was clearly embarrassed because he’s really fit now but

He’s fit now because he had self-esteem issues back then.

And then I thought … well maybe that’s why he’s with her …

My brother was with a horrible girl because he had self-esteem

Issues … when he could do so much better …. and was

Offered so much better … so maybe it’s the same with R.

He’s with a girl who doesn’t even like herself so she does

Whatever to make him feel bad about himself as well. I

Hope he finds a nice girl and dumps S when he gets into law school.

/rant.

 

So I have to start thinking about school.

And I’m being pressured into doing the MCAT (med school exam)

This summer. I can’t even think about it cause it gives me anxiety.

Like at nighttime … my heart beats so fast and loud and I have to

Literally tell myself to stop thinking about med school so I don’t

Get suc

h anxiety. My brother said I need a motivating factor and it’s

Like I AM motivated but I also understand hard work … so I know

That studying for the entrance exam will consume my life and that’s

My entire break … Studying. And that means I can’t work. Which means

I don’t have money. Which means taking on more debt. And knowing

I’ll have to repeat this a second summer cause I am not a life sci major.

Unless I kickass at studying and score decently on the MCAT … it’s

Not happening and I have to repeat it. Even if I had a decent mark …

I don’t do anything ‘decently’ … I want to be competitive. And of course

I have to keep my grades up. I need to get freaking references.

Who from? Like I work, I volunteer, I’m a good student. But I’m independent.

I do shiz on my own so I never see my profs/coordinators/superiors.

So they don’t know. And can’t vouch WELL for me. My brother said though

That if my grades stay the way I am and my MCAT score it decent (and

I have all my extracurrics already) that the reference won’t mean as much

Cause I’ve clearly demonstrated that I am a strong candidate without

Having another person legitimize me. Sooo if they write a really generic

Reference letter … it’s not SO horrible … although I would like to have

Great reference letters. You know what pisses me off? When I do go to

Get a reference … they never score me the highest on leadership and

Initiative BECAUSE I don’t go to see them and ask questions and shiz.

And it’s like … well what? It’s BECAUSE I’m a leader and I take initiative

That I don’t feel insecure in my decisions and have to go seek them out.

So that’s ironic and unfortunate. So you want me to be less independent?

Ugh. Also I have to take summer course (more money gone) so I can

Do some prereqs so I can get into my upper year courses for my majors.

 

Too much on my plate. So I’ll leave it at that.