Going nowhere

I’m back from holiday; I’ve been back since Monday evening and this is the first time I’ve sat down in front of the laptop to write. The holiday didn’t go well- it was lovely to get some sun and spend time with my sister, but unfortunately nothing was different with my mother and the symptoms she brings on in me. I berated myself over the course of the holiday for thinking that things would just change, that I’d put in the effort and therefore it would be different. She is an emotional vacuum, her needs take over when you’re with her, and I’m done ever assuming that will change and she will see how badly I needed that space, and I needed to have a little bit of autonomy.

Anyway, enough about that, I’m not going to spend any more time trying to figure out a situation which can’t be resolved. In a relationship this needs to two people to be working, and she is unable to try. So I will move on.

I’ve spent the last week sitting in front of the laptop, watching Ru Paul’s drag race. I have nothing in front of me now. I don’t have the holiday to gauge time by, it’s all mine. I got drunk a lot of holiday, and am thinking about carrying this on now but I also want to get healthy. I’ve started writing and I’m already blue with this.

I don’t know which writing project to focus on. It’s kinda late now to start really..

Blah this was the most pointless entry.