Explanations

Ok so if any of you have me added to your favorites you know i haven’t been on here in FOREVER. I have a good reason for this. My husband found my diary. If you have read my past entries I said some mean and hateful stuff. Although, he was snooping it still hurt him. I never wanted to do that. That is why I was writing it down in here. So I wouldn’t scream all my feelings and thoughts in his face. When he first let me know he had found it, he said he wasn’t sure how he felt or what he should do. So, I left him to his thoughts. Eventually, I guess he thought about it and realized that my feelings all happened for a reason. So, all in all, since all of my past feelings were out in the open he has been more aware of the way he treats me.  We still bicker a lot. I mean hell we’ve been married forever, have 4 kids, and his mom lives here. We’re gonna nag a little. But, it seems that when he slips up and says or does something mean, he at least tries to make it right. Something he never even tried to do before. I love him so much. It’s almost like it was when we first met. Of course, it will never be totally new again. We have a lot more on our plate than we did 8 years ago. But he finally treats me the way I have been longing for.

Now on to other news… I have started going to the gym and eating healthier. I’m not doing a crash diet because I’ll fail. I’m eating the same foods. I’m just preparing them differently. I’m using ground turkey a lot instead of ground beef. I’m also eating smaller portions. If a serving size is a cup, then that’s what I have. I weighed 218 when I started this. Now keep in mind I am only 5 foot tall! So, I have been busting my ass at the gym. I have a routine where I do 45 minutes of weight training and 45 of cardio one day and the 1 and 1/2 hours of cardio the next day. I find myself excited to go to the gym. So far, I am doing well on my diet. I cheated on mother’s day and had a piece of chocolate cake. I felt so terrible afterward! The sugar made my stomach hurt and I was restless all night long and had crazy dreams. So, anyway, I have lost almost ten pounds in two weeks. I realize most of this is "water weight" but I can already tell a little difference in my waistline. I used to look down at my boobs and see my stomach poking out past them. I wear a double d so that’s pretty far out. But now when I look down I actually see my toes! I am so freaking happy about this. I know it’s gonna keep going well. I am so determined. I want to be healthy. I know this sounds generic but I want to be able to play at the park with my kids. I have gotten to the point that I can walk at a fast pace 4 and 1/2 miles  on the cardio equipment. Anyhow, I guess that’s pretty much all that’s new in my world.