Cutting dead weight

I had been friends with Josie since the late 80’s. We were roommates, I introduced her to her husband, we combed the enlisted clubs for unsuspecting victims (I smile as I say that…she was a force that one)

We had lost touch after she got married, moved away to Oregon. Through the magic of Facebook, we reconnected

Not very long ago, we spoke just about every day. She lived in Kansas, was moving to Houston, things were looking up for her and I was so glad to have her counsel in my life. She really had this amazing British sense of humor and perspective, saw through all the BS and made things simpler when all I wanted to do was complicate things

Being of that ‘stiff upper lip’ sort, I didn’t realize how much she was struggling there in Houston. Not entirely sure what prompted the move there, whether she had a job there or not, but I found out that she was down to her last dollars. I would say this was around 2014 or so?

I reached out to my friend who we’ve often borrowed money from one another. She had just sold some stock, was getting ready to move herself and said of course, let me get some money to you to help her. I ended up making payments to her for a few months, then paid her back in full

I paid for Josie’s bills, I got enough money to pay for 3 months worth, give her a little breathing room

I flew there, twice in a span of 6 months, got her enrolled on my cell phone plan, as having a cell phone is important while you’re looking for a job. I took care of her, held her up so that she could find her footing, in this giant city that she had fallen in love with and wanted to thrive there

When I was there in February, the second time I was there, she had finally found a job, was getting herself established and couldn’t take off a ton of work.  So I got us settled in our hotel for the weekend and would meet up later.

On her way to the hotel, she stopped to get supplies, and of those supplies, was several bottles of wine. I didn’t think much of it, we’d be together for a long weekend, both in Houston and Galveston, and she liked wine. Her now ex-husband was an alcoholic, so she was keenly aware of drinking and excess.

By the time we got to Galveston however, that wine she got was gone, and she went to get more when we got to our hotel there. We went out to dinner and she had several mixed drinks while we waited and ate.  We were back at the hotel getting settled, I thought that we were friends enough, for long enough, that I could be honest with her.  I mentioned gently that I thought she had a drinking problem. That of course was one of her triggers, and we had a very crunchy evening, with that disagreement hanging in the air between us.

We tried to let that go while we had a lovely day in Galveston, however, that was not meant to happen.

She had met someone and wanted to introduce me to him. I was happy for her but I also shared with her that I was lonely and that I was envious of her as well.  He showed up and we sat to eat at the restaurant.  They paid attention to one another, while I sat and watched the riverway. To this day, she denies anything happened, that they tried to be aware of my feelings. I felt like the 3rd wheel

After that trip, our almost daily conversations slowed. She stopped dating this guy and met another one, whom she is still with today.

At one point, not sure where in the timeline this happened, but she mentioned this one time, one time only, about paying me back for the money that I had spent on her, on doing everything I could to keep her afloat.

This is what she said: I know it’s silly and I am not in California anymore, but my horse that I love so dearly is sick and I used the money I had saved to pay for his surgery

I realize that at the time I should have said more, that I should have mentioned that it was incredibly rude of her to pay for a surgery for a horse she didn’t ride, see, take care of, for over a year instead of making an effort to pay me back

Jump to current days, I hadn’t heard from save one time that she posted something on my wall on Facebook, in a year. I had unfollowed her on Facebook because I didn’t want to see her and her new man living their best lives, going on cruises, planning parties, doing all this travel together, while I sit here wondering what kind of person doesn’t lose sleep over borrowing over $3000 from someone and not make an effort to pay them back?

On NYE Alina and I talked it over and she suggested I write her, and close that chapter in my life.  I mulled it over and over considering what to write, and I finally just kept it simple.  And said that she had plenty of chances to repay me, either in kindness or with monetary assistance, like when I got sick, lost my job, was moving, my car engine exploding…so many opportunities

I then unfriended her and then I felt like I had some closure. That I wouldn’t dwell on this person, who I loved so dearly, was clearly not the friend or person that I had always thought she would be

In the week after I wrote that email, she disappeared from my friends pages and essentially hid herself from public view.  Did it have anything to do with my email?  Perhaps…or maybe she didn’t want to share with anyone her life.  Not for me to say why

Alina said it’s the year of cutting the dead weight, to not be so burdened. My heart is heavy but that’s lessening over time. She really wasn’t the type of person I wanted in my life after all, and I think now I can move on without constantly wondering about it all