Saturday 19.02.00 (Letter to Carlien)
Well, I arrived safe’n’sound. I dozed off after I wrote that ^ [Letter to Joshy] And awhile later I noticed the light was shining through my eyelids. I opened my eyes, looked outside and realised it was pitch black! It was the lights! They’d turned on the lights. "Pack all your belongings, don’t forget anything, and make your way out onto the platform."
Proserpine. Three hours away from Townsville.
Sleepily I made my way out and stood there, waiting with Lucille and Josh. I really liked him.
Once I was talking and smiling at the girl next to me and I looked over at Josh and he was fully watching me, head to one side, with a warm look in his eye… Wow.
About an hour later coaches arrived and took us up to Townsville, or wherever everyone was travelling.
Jodi came to pick me up and we hugged tightly. Back home Sylv ran out to greet me and we hugged tightly too.
I didn’t have a cool shower straightaway, as I’d hoped, because we spent the rest of the morning talking and catching up. Finally I couldn’t stand myself any longer and had a beautiful cold shower.
No matter how cloudy or rainy it is up here, it’s still hot !! I’d forgotten about that 🙂
Then we went to Stockers, O Stockers! 🙂
There I saw Carlien. Seeing her made me nervous and my heart starts beating faster, which makes me think I like her. I’ve been thinking a lot about her. The second time I saw her we were walking past adn she was talking to some guy. I looked at her longingly, as if saying ‘I want you to know I’m sorry.’ She glanced at me 3 times. I know she looks at me every time we see each other. She really liked me…
When we went in to give my deposit for the fridge, the lady was giving me the receipt and as I turned around saying "Yep. Thankyou" she was right there! Waiting behind me! She is so daring! I avoid goign hear her or anyone I’ve liked or had a one night stand with before! My heart pounded and I said happily, "Hi!" She barely smiled, somewhat disgustedly, somewhat distant, "How are ya?"
I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
And when I got home, I involuntarily grabbed paper and pen and…
You must’ve thought I used you…
I experimented and left…
No.
It was not that way at all.
My friends were waiting for me at home and they would have been wondering what had happened to me. I was late.
As I made my way to your phone, I looked around for the odd addressed envelope. Perhaps I could write…
None.
I looked around for paper and pen so I could write a little note.
"Call me."
None.
I’ve been thinking about you.
Though I’m gonna be honest – I’m confused. (I’m supposed to be straight). And I wouldn’t like to drag you down with my confusion. And hurt you more than what I already may have…
Still, I daydream of bumping into you…
At the clubs, Stockland, anywhere. And say "Hay! I’ve been waiting for your call!"
I’ve seen you around at Stockland heaps of times. You amaze me, how you manage to have a job all the way over here and you live all the way in Hermit Park. Smart chick…
I’ve often longed to call out to you, "Carlien!"
But I’m usually with my friends and they don’t know about that night with you…
I’m sorry…
And every time I see you, my heart jumps.
I get nervous.
It’s like, "Aw gosh, she’s there."
I turned around and to my utter surprise, there you were…
"Hi!"
But you only gave a brief, somewhat disgusted "How are ya?"
I feel like I’ve hurt you…
I’m sorry…
It hasn’t been on purpose.
I’ve daydreamed of calling you…
Writing you, like I am now…
Yet I don’t have your number,
I don’t have your address,
And I only know your first name.
Carlien…
Beautiful Carlien…
Sometimes I think I like you…/
Diosa.
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19 years old.
Townsville, 2000.