36 weeks – Saying No

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I am having to deal with the consequences of a PERFECT situation where I was not able to say No. And I am caught up in this situation, which isn’t really a situation at all – merely the natural consequences of when one does something against one’s “heart” so to speak, against one’s wishes, against one’s true self.
Some months ago, Mum had booked a Tupperware Party and of course, invited all of us along. I should have said “no” to this invite alone, but how could I have possibly said no to my MUM of all people? There were several valid reasons NOT to go to the Party in the first place – I did not have the means to buy anything from Tupperware and certainly had absolutely NO intention of doing so; and the Party was a mid-week gathering that started at 7pm – a feat I could not accomplish without ending in absolute exhaustion, due to my pregnancy. But alas, I could not say no, and when upon my arrival I realised that neither Sonia nor Deity had made plans to come along, I felt MUCH better for at least “having made an effort” for Mum. For at least giving her an extra person in the room – and for at least jumping onboard her enthusiasm about the gathering itself. I enjoyed it for what it was worth.
I was resolute at not purchasing anything that night, although I squirmed as I had to tell Mum that I would not be able to buy anything. Mum gets caught up in these things – not because she CARES but because “it’s fun to have fun for the sake of having fun”. So she excitedly replies, “Well, why don’t you book a Party !?!?!”
I got caught up in the lie that most of us get caught up in – believing that having a Party is an easy way out because “you don’t have to spend anything”. “All you have to do is have your girlfriends over for a fun afternoon”. Erroneously (and having given into my own internal pressure) I concluded that the cheapest and most “free” option that night, was to book a Party.
There was a “lucky dip” on the table. You had to reach your hand into the most bottomest of the bag and retrieve a “gift”. If the gift had a sticker on it – you HAD to book a party. If the gift did NOT have a sticker on it, you didn’t have to book a Party at all – this gave me a possible way out (an escape from my own internal pressure). I convinced myself that I might just get a gift that did NOT have a sticker on it – at which point I would not bother booking a Party at all. But alas, I did get a gift with a sticker on it (as I’m sure EVERY GIFT has a sticker on it) and I approached the Tupperware bitch.
I had not taken a liking to her AT ALL whatsoever throughout the night and I was NOT looking forward to doing business with her. She had not built rapport with the group, she had not known how to sell any of her products aside from saying “a MILLION uses for this one!”, and what’s more, she had all her products gift-wrapped in cellophane and tried selling them as packages !! – way to go, woman – and this of course did not allow for us to go up to the table to hold and feel and be INTERESTED in the product. And despite all of this, STILL I gave in to my internal pressure !! As I booked the appointment with her for 10th February, I was making an equal mental note that I would cancel the Party altogether. I saved her number in my phone to this end – and also so I would know exactly who was calling, and I wouldn’t answer the phone.
AND HENCE, my friends, the consequences of such a DAFT decision made. All because I could not say No. And who was it going to benefit if I had a Party? Absolutely nobody. I would have spent a hundred bucks on FOOD for my guests, and would have ended up spending money myself on the product if only to get the worthwhile “discount” offered to hostesses. I should just have said NO.
Within days of booking the Party, the bitch calls me, without knowing a THING about me – to SELL ME THE BUSINESS. She tries to convince me to join Tupperware, at which point I am deadset dry with her and tell her I’m not interested. I was motivated by the fact that (a) she was blocking her number (I answered the unknown number because I had made payment arrangements with several creditors at that time) (b) she was calling just as I was headed out the door to go to WORK. She tried to find out WHY I was not interested, I told her I’ve tried many of those businesses before. She asked which ones, I said I did Nutrimetics while I was at Uni. She tried to convince me that “unlike Nutrimetics” Tupperware sells ITSELF. I was thinking, ‘Bitch, Nutrimetics tell you the EXACT SAME THING’. I could smell and taste her selling tactics from 100 miles away – which pissed me off even MORE. Anyhow, she dropped it and agreed that she would send me the brochures in the mail.
Weeks passed and still no brochures in the mail – I wasn’t going to go out of my way to pursue. I was to discover later that in fact she had passed them onto MUM to give to me !!!! Cos it’s SO CONVENIENT FOR HER – she doesn’t have to spend those few dollars on sending me the package !!!! And HOW DARE SHE !?!?! How does she know what kind of relationship I have with my mother? For all she knows, my mother and I , at that particular point in time, may have been on NON-SPEAKING TERMS !! How does she know !?!?! She doesn’t know !!! That was Strike 2, if not Strike 3 because of her lack of building rapport at Mum’s party to begin with.
Anyhow… So I called her within a few days from 10th February and told her I had to cancel. I wasn’t prepared to give her any reason for it. She asked for a reason – I told her that I had something else on that day (which was Ashlee’s Baby Shower). But STUPID STUPID me, told her that in any case, my little brother in law was interested in buying Tupperware as he was looking to move out with his girlfriend, and perhaps we could arrange an individual appointment for her to come on over and show them the product. Like she didn’t HEAR PROPERLY she says, “So how many people will you invite? Who you will you invite to the Party?” I said, “No, not a PARTY. Just an appointment for my brother in law.” She obviously was disappointed and hung up quicker than she should have. We’d arranged the appointment for 6th March (a Saturday night) – well and truly a good 4weeks down the track.
Guess when she ended up calling to confirm that all was okay to go ahead – at 8:30pm on the Friday night – the night before. The DUM FUCKING BITCH. It was a missed call, but I can assure you that had I heard my phone I would not have answered regardless. Firstly because it was HER, and secondly because I don’t answer calls that are made at an inappropriate time of night or day. I figure that if the caller is irresponsible enough to call at ridiculous hours, then they can “suffer” without their desired results.
I am a BITCH when it comes to the use of my mobile phone, trust me. I do NOT answer calls from unknown numbers, or from private numbers, or at weird hours of the day, or if I happen to be relaxing and simply do not feel like bowing down to my phone – I can always call back. If the message is urgent – the person will send a text. If the CALL is urgent, they will call again within seconds. Simple.
Anyhow, so I let the missed call go. I simply gave her number to Louis & Sam for THEM to contact her. I left it at that.
 
Yesterday Mum tells me, “Monique says she’s been trying to contact you and hasn’t got through. I told her you don’t have a landline, only the mobile. She says you owe her a party.” I OWE HER A PARTY !?!?! FUCK YOU, BITCH !!! I DON’T OWE YOU ANYTHING !!!! I was resolute NOT to contact her.
But alas, she tried calling me again last night. It was 8:05pm. WHO THE FUCK DOES SHE THINK SHE IS to believe that she should be able to call somebody past 8:00 at night !?!?!?!!? It’s practically BEDTIME , bitch !!!!! Get your fucking business act together !!!! Oh, and did you know it’s ILLEGAL to make business contact after 8pm !?!?!? YAH, I learned that one through the Telemarketing job I did back in July.
So now I’m in this situation, where obviously she isn’t giving up. I don’t OWE her a party at all whatsoever. I CANCELLED the party – and arranged INSTEAD an individual appointment, making it clear that it would NOT be a party. And I don’t owe somebody who has the audacity to do business the way she does – ANYTHING. I don’t owe her a single fucking cent.
I had a text written up, to send to her. “Hi, I got ur msg thru Mum yest – saying iou a party??? Sorry 4 the misunderstanding – I cancelled altogether – I’m not interested in re booking. As a favour to my bro in law, I had instead org’d an appt 4 him & gf – he has since said they won’t go ahead w/ tupp – I asked him to call u.. but if u haven’t heard.. I’m sorry. Pls do not contact me again.”
The last sentence I am wary about – probably because it’s confrontational – because once again, I can’t say No.
But suddenly, I’m thinking, well what if she fucks Mum over because of me not going ahead with a Party? After all, Mum was entitled to a Hostess Gift, delivered to her just the other day, because of the fact that she had 2 Party bookings at her own Party. What if I go ahead with this text, and then the bitch says to Mum, “Well I’m sorry, I’m gonna have to take those things back from you because your daughter has not kept up to her end of the deal and I can’t afford to give you that Hostess Gift now.”
Where does my responsibility lay now? Is it towards my original commitment of having gone to the Party against my will in the first place – or even booking the Party against my will in the first place? Or is it towards the professional commitment where I have told this business person that I will do business with them (but even professional business deals and contracts don’t go through sometimes – Vedobleve giving up on MA being a PERFECT example)? Or is it towards my Mother, whom I don’t want affected in this case, simply because *I* was not able to say No? In any case, I wouldn’t want my Mother to be affected at all?
When Diosa Wimmer  makes a commitment – she never backs out. This has been a first. Diosa never backs out because she is loyal to the end – she is true to her word – she holds personal pride that she is NOT one of these people who “give up” or who “cancel” or who “pike out”. But perhaps Diosa is tired of going through with silly commitments just because she said she would. And perhaps Diosa has tried for the first time to be truer to her SELF than to any “commitment” and hence tried to cancel the Party – but was silly in the way she did it because she could not say a rotund “no” and had to instead book another type of appointment. In the end, Diosa was not true to her SELF after all.
So how to be true to herself NOW?
Being true to MYSELF would be to tell the bitch outright that I am not interested in re booking, and not interested in doing business with her. THAT would be “being true to myself”. But how true ?? I mean, I don’t believe in being so RUDE or bitchy either. That isn’t like me. And I don’t believe in hurting my Mother in the process.
Hmmm…. hurting my Mother in the process.. Yes it would hurt her… But like the Boundaries book poses – will it HARM her? No it won’t HARM her .. yet neither will it TEACH HER anything because in this case, there is nothing to teach HER.
And everything to teach ME.
If there is something to be taught ME, wouldn’t that mean that I now have to face up to the consequences of having booked the Party – and therefore I should go ahead with booking the Party? Perhaps THAT would TEACH ME not to do this stupidity again.
But aren’t I allowed to change my mind? Isn’t EVERYBODY allowed to change their mind about ANY commitment they make? And we’re not talking MARRIAGE here. We’re not talking a contract of any OTHER sort either. We’re simply talking about a person who said, “Yes I will book a Party” and then decided “No I will not go ahead with this Party”. Simple.
Say I don’t want Mum to be hurt in the process though – I don’t want her to miss out on having these products that she’s just received (admittedly, they’re not the products she thought they would be, they’re a smaller size or something..) – Will it HURT ME to go ahead with the Party?
It wouldn’t HURT ME. It’s just plain downright ANNOYING having to invite people over to my house, and downright ANNOYING having this bitch in my house. I don’t want her in my house – I want nothing further to do with her. She has not proved to be WORTHY to deal with. In ANY sense of the word – not from the Get Go.
I wouldn’t be able to book the Party anytime soon – I give birth in about 4weeks. I have ENOUGH to deal with at the moment. And even then, I wouldn’t be able to book it till Bubba is about 3-4mths old anyway. So we’re talking JULY – AUGUST.
The other thing is that.. why should I be loyal to this stupid woman when one of my own best friends (Kelly) sells Tupperware? Perhaps I could just be HONEST and UPFRONT with the bitch and tell her that I’d rather do business with Kelly? I mean, shouldn’t I be loyal to KELLY?
Perhaps I could change the text to, “Hi, I got ur msg thru Mum yest – saying iou a party??? Sorry 4 the misunderstanding – I cancelled altogether – I’m not interested in re booking. My best friend sells tupp & truth be told, I don’t even do parties for her. The other appt was for my bro in law – I have asked him to contact u direct but if u haven’t heard.. I’m sorry.”
Yeah.. I think I’m happy with that response.
But there is still the possibility that she will take the Hostess Gift off Mum…
I think I will just call Mum and gauge where SHE stands with the Hostess Gift. It SEEMS she’s unhappy with it – but that doesn’t mean she won’t care if it’s taken OFF of her. If she cares, I will go ahead with booking a Party for JULY or August. If she doesn’t, I’ll just send that text – reiterating that I do not want to book a Party. Grrrr ! *sigh*
I REALLY need to learn to say No.
Oh, I am learning !