Cold and Desolate

I’m feeling very strange about the world today. Very desolate. Like there’s no hope. Like human relationships are so thin and fickle. Like there is no depth and enrichment in the human world. Cold.

I had a strange dream about Andy last night. He had texted me, but in the dream you could hand-write messages, and he had virtually sent me a letter that I could see via my mobile phone. And in it he had many questions, but also lots of statements about how we could never go back to our friendship. In the dream, I also visited his house, and his brother was there. I remember looking into his brother’s chocoalte brown eyes and feeling a sense of warmth towards him, and thinking ‘Chocolate brown eyes are more welcoming that cold blue eyes’.

Isn’t that so sad? Andy does not have cold blue eyes. He has BEAUTIFUL dark blue eyes, with long curled dark lashes…

I am also feeling really really sad about Mick, and his experience. Thinking about Mia’s cruelty has left me somewhat wounded, wondering if there is any GOOD in this world… If anybody at all is to be trusted…

I need God in my life.

Onto a positive note, today is my beautiful little brother’s birthday. Andre Jai turns 14.

This overwhelms me. I was fourteen when he was born. And he has grown into a handsome little one. I can TOTALLY see what girls his age would see in him ; ) He is so cute and so charming too. Very intelligent. His curls have come back. He is amazing. I love him so much.