The wonderful life of me.

Why am I writing in this? I don’t know. Probably because I haven’t written in here in so long, and I guess I sort of miss it. I also just downloaded a bunch of songs, and I want an excuse to sit here and listen to them. I can’t just….relax and listen to the music. I have to be doing something while I’m listening. I feel like I’m wasting my time if I’m not doing anything. I don’t really have much to write about though, my life is pretty uneventful. It makes me actually want drama. Something, anything, to break the monotony. I realized that I’ve got a trend of going downhill this time of year, but that is always from nothing. It’s always me overanalyzing how much my life is filled with nothing, and I blow it out of proportion and end up having a near-suicidal mental breakdown. I refuse to let that happen this year because frankly, I’m sick of it.

Luckily, the worst won’t come until around january, so I’m safe right now. Maybe it has something to do with the winter. Or maybe by january I’m so sick of the stressful monotony of the last (jan-aug=…6?)  6 months that I just can’t take anymore. After January i’ve got 6 months to cool off, and then 6 months to break back down again -.-

I have come up with a plan though, and so far, it seems to be working. Anytime I start thinking about something bad, I just force myself to shrug it off and go on with my life. That’s the kind of attitude I’ve adopted; I’ve learned to just accept things the way they are and not let them bother me.

Watch it all backfire in the end -.-

But oh well. It’s working for now and that’s all that matters.

At least, it’s working in some ways. I have never been so stressed in my entire life. This is completely different from my whole emotional breakdown thing, the whole "omg my life sucks thing". This is like school stress. Like people putting pressure on me for things stress. Like I have a test tomorrow in first period, homework I have absolutely no idea how to do due tomorrow in 2nd period, an essay due tomorrow and a test on tuesday for 4th period, a major essay and retest questions due tomorrow for 5th period, a test on wednesday, 47 questions of homework due tomorrow as well as a quiz tomorrow for 6th period, and then two sketchbook assignments due tomorrow and an entire proffesionally done masterpiece of art due on friday that i havent even planned out yet for 7th period.

That was my weekend homework. The only thing I finished was my English essay. Yes, I know, I shouldve done it but I despretly needed this weekend to catch up on sleep and chill….I’ll just do what I do best and procrastinate. I’ll fret and worry the entire time before I do it, but I’ll do it.

I blame it on this stupid 7 periods a day schedule. With 5 of them being honors/ap classes, and 3 of those being college courses, its just………..UGH. TOO MUCH. And then in my comp science class, one of my two non advanced classes, the teacher in there is 22, a brand-spanking new teacher, an idiot, and fresh from louisiana. According to my dad, louisiana has horrible schools.

I don’t care if he is a first year teacher, HE CANNOT TEACH. I refuse to explain why but when you have got the valedictorian and the 2nd, 7th, 15th, and 17th people  with B’s in your class, you know something is wrong. When I got my progress report: 100 95 98 92 90 100 96 73. 7 fricken 3.

By the end of the 6 weeks, after many complaints from parents and adam, he was finally forced to give us notes, and somehow changed his grading so that the tops of class got their A’s, and I ended up with an 83. 83 in an honors class, not bad. 83 in a non-honors class means more weight on my GPA means lower gpa means im going to fail at life.

I’m not even in the top 10% anymore. I was 121 out of 1400 students. now, I’m 121 out of 632. Do the math. I SUCK.

Everyone smarter than me, all 120 of em, came over to the new high school too -.- so yea, less people + alot of them smarter then me = I fail at life.

-.- School sucks.

But so yea, I have come to the conclusion that all of this has contributed to the fact that it has been 3 months into the school year and I’ve already had 5 full-blown anxiety attacks. Compared to what…..a total of about 2 maybe 3 the entire school year last year.

They are getting worse, and they are happening more, and I blame it on school -.-

Or maybe not. Hell, I’m so terrified of airplanes now I can’t even watch people riding in them on TV. So maybe it was that airplane ride that triggered it all. I don’t know.

Crap. It’s 1 am already and I have to wake up at 5 for school tomorrow. Joy.