Happy Birthday to me

Its 1 am and I cannot sleep. The medicine is working its magic and my fever is off for now, but in place of it being off, I’m getting really hot and sweaty every 5 minutes. And…..now I’m starting to get cold again so hopefully the medicine is wearing off because I’d rather shiver than sweat. Ugh…I refuse to take anymore medicine. I hate the temperature swings, and I hate sweating

Yes, I am sick on my birthday. Lovely, I know. But I’m not gonna let that stop me. For instance today, or….yesterday I suppose since it’s 1am, Pat, Samantha, Ellen, and I went to Splashtown. It was mucho divertido. When we first got there, they were telling everyone that the park was open but the rides were closed because it had been thundering earlier, and they didn’t know how long the rides were going to be closed for. Some lady didn’t want to wait, and gave us 2 coupons for 2 free tickets before she left. So, we decided to wait, and sure enough, 10 minutes later they open the rides. Despite me feeling like crap, I had a very good time. Especially with Pat, I enjoyed spending the day with him.

He’s so….something. I don’t know what it is. To tell the truth, half of me wishes we were still together. But, the other half me is telling me no way. I think we’re better off as just friends. I mean….as friends, we can just hang out like this whenever we feel like it. As a couple, we’re obligated to spend as much time as we can together, which we’re supposed to enjoy doing. But, I don’t enjoy doing that. I need my space. So being just friends is best. But…..I think if he did ever ask me out again, I’d say yes. I wouldn’t be able to resist. I really don’t think he will though, because he enjoys his freedom.

Anyway…I think I have to go to church tomorrow so I better try to go back to sleep. I hate church. It’s boring, and stupid. Last week I actually went to the sunday school thing with my brother. I haven’t done that since I was in…what? 4th, 5th grade?
Let me tell you, it was the most grueling, mind-numbing, boring hour of the summer. I couldn’t stop thinking "I’m wasting my last day of summer in here…." It completely sucked up a valuable hour of my life that I will never get back. All I did was sit there in a circle, listening to the guy talk about a figment of his imagination, while my belief that most Christians are closed-minded people who’s only goal in life is to "give themselves to jesus" and take down as many people as they can with em was being reinforced. I was even forced to make an oath that when I started school this year, I would tell as many people as I could about Jesus and "spread the word" whenever possible.
Okay, I wasn’t forced…but how would it look if I was the only one in there who didn’t hold up their hand and profess it?
Maybe I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t gone to the class by my own free will, and my brother wasn’t in there. I love a good religious argument from time to time, and I’m only more than happy to find an unenlightened christian and enlighten them with an atheists’ awesomeness.
Of course, I would never shove my views down people’s throats, so I only argue when the situation requires it, like when I’m sitting next to people at school who start slamming non-christians, usually the atheists. Or when someone asks me what I am, and then (image of Heather walking slowly toward Kirsten and I with an eager look of opportunity and determination on her face) is horrified by my answer and tries to explain why I need Jesus.

I could consider just telling my parents that I don’t believe in God and that I really really don’t like going to church every sunday. But….I think that would just make them force me to go even more. Daniel told his mom last year by writing her an email, and explaining why he was what he was. She didn’t like it at first, but got over it in a week. He finally told her because he didn’t want to go to confirmation. Lucky bastard.

I think I’ll just wait a few years till I move out to tell them. That way they can’t do anything to me. Or maybe I’ll tell them if/when I have kids, because I’m going to raise them to believe what they want to believe, and I don’t want my parents forcing christianty onto them, and the only way I can keep my parents from doing that is to tell them.

Ugh…..I just remembered I still have 17 pages to read in my history book, I have to write down 12 x 5 (cant do math….) art work ideas, finish my sketchbook cover and……do something else. Don’t remember what it is though…bleh. I wonder what presents I’m going to get today