Insults…..gotta love ’em

This made me laugh. Seriously. I should do it to someone else one day. Thank you mr. Pheriphial whatever the hell it was. You made my day, or, night. Whatever.

This particular waste of time comes to us from "Beware Of Me" (15/F/TX).  She apparently found herself really bored and she decided that she would go and jot down 50 random things about herself, as though we’re all going to be blown away and/or extremely impressed.  I don’t know.  I didn’t see anything overwhelmingly worthwhile here.  Still, it obviously attracted me enough since here I am essentially making fun of it.  It looks like this poor 15-year old wasn’t the only one who was bored.  As always, my responses are in bold and in parentheses.

50 Random Things About Me

Ehh, well, normally I don’t care for these "Take the Challenge, Pass It On" things but I am quite bored….obviously, I mean really, 3 entries in one night? :O Talk about shocking.

Anyway…. 50 randoms facts, beliefs, or sayings that pertain to,  obviously, me

1. I love the color purple (I never really got into that movie.  I’m not saying it’s a bad movie or anything.  I just never got into it.)

2. I’m a sucker for guys with long hair (Apparently, not all girls go for that clean cut, neatly groomed, I-have-a-job look.)

3. I just spilled Crystal Clear mixed berry flavored water down my shirt (on accident) (You’re clumsy.  I’ll make a note of that.)

4. My family still thinks I’m a christian (That’s not so bad.  I think you’re an idiot.)

5. I love the smell of cigarettes (Then you probably also like the scent of gasoline, skunk spray, and flatulent old men.)

6. I think the whole "gangsta" culture/lifestyle thing is stupid (Yeah, I bet like that whole rocker cocaine-snorting headbanging lifestyle just like kicks some major ass, huh?)

7. I love techno music (That’s just auditory repetition, over and over and over again.)

8. I love my rock music more though (That kind of music makes people want to break shit and stab small animals.)

9. Captain Jack Sparrow is sexy (You mean Johnny Depp wearing eye shadow.  And all this time I had made it a point to avoid wearing makeup altogether.  That’s where I must’ve gone wrong.)

10. I wish magic actually existed (It does, just not in your world.)

11. I developed a sudden unexplainable fear of airplanes and cars last month (Yeah, next you’ll tell us that bunions and corns turn you on.)

12. I hate the smell of flowers (You do know that plastic and porcelain flowers aren’t scented, right?)

13. I <3 Chocolate (I thought you were going to say that you like to kick puppies or steal pacifiers from babies.)

14. I love to cook, but my cooking either tastes exceptionally good or outrageously horrible — its never in between, and usually it tastes horrible (I’m guessing that Rachel Ray and Emeril Legasse send you hate mail, huh?)

15. I would die without coffee (A part of me now wishes that coffee never existed.)

16. I despise emo haircuts, emo picture styles, and emo pants. Basically I just despise Emo. (You know, I never thought that Elmo was that bad of a character.  At least he didn’t live in a trash can.)

17. I don’t like labelling people (Sure you don’t, you chocolate-eating, hip hop-hating, coffee drinking, rocker chick you.)

18. I contradict myself a lot (No, you don’t.)

19. I am eating kettle corn right now (I’m getting nauseous right now.)

20. I love Frank (I’m sort of partial to franks and beans myself.  I just don’t like that little hunk of pork fat they like to put inside the can of beans.) 

21. Cutting itself isn’t bad, it’s just other people’s reactions that make it not worth it (Yeah, society isn’t advanced enough yet to where it’s socially and medically acceptable to cut on one’s self.  By the way, severing an artery is usually a good enough reason to not cut yourself.)

22. I still don’t know what a chav is (Have you ever been in an iron lung?  I think you’d do well in one of those.) 

23. Penguins are cute (Yeah, cute like a stomach pump.)

24. I love the words "I love you" (And yet, just a few lines ago you said that "cutting itself isn’t bad".)

25. When I move out, I’m going to do everything my parents wouldn’t let me do like……buy a Playstation (Playstations don’t cost that much as it is.  Poverty and parents suck, don’t they?)

26. Folding towels is stupid, because no one sees them but you when you take one out to dry your ass with after you take a shower (Yeah, you know what else is stupid?  Wiping you ass after you take a dump.  I mean, the next time you take a dump your ass is just going to get dirty again.) 

27. Pee Wee’s Play House just came on and it is THE most stupid, idiotic thing I have ever seen in my life and I can’t find the remote to change it (That statement right there shows me how much you know.  Pee Wee’s Playhouse was a hit show in its day and it’s a cult classic by today’s standards.  Like American Idol is really that spectacular and entertaining.)

28. If I ever have a kid, I’m going to name him Damien (I thought you were going to follow Gweneth Paltrow’s lead and go with the name of a fruit.  I hear that "Melon" is still availab

le.)

29. I love Cadbury’s chocolate (Those creme eggs they sell at Easter are the worst candies ever designed but Caramelo is always a good choice.)

30. I LOATHE bats. I hate looking at picture of them. I hate hearing the word "bat". Even baseball bats. (They’re rats with wings and they carry all sorts of disease and shit.  You’re supposed to hate them.) 

31. I love England (Bad teeth reign supreme over there.)

32. I’m running out of kettle corn (As well as IQ points…)

33. I’m terrified that one of my friends could die and I wouldn’t even know it (So you’re not psychic?  Get over it.)

34. The world is round (Are you just now realizing that?  Next you’re probably going to tell me that the sun is hot.)

35. I’m addicted to runescape and its not even that great of a game, its just soul-consuming (There are countless better video games out there.)

36. There is kettle corn stuck in my tooth (You know, they have dental floss for that sort of thing.)

37. Anybody who puts milk in their tea is crazy (Yeah and 15-year olds that drink coffee are better off?)

38. Milk is gross (No, underwear with skidmarks is gross.  Mix in some Nestle Quik and I’m sure you’ll live.)

39. I wash my face 6 times a day (Why not try washing the rest of you?)

40. I have OCD (Don’t forget mild retardation.)

41. I have never finished any piece of artwork in my life. The last one I "finished" I didn’t really finish, I left out a part of the background I had planned (Bob Ross was a "god" in some circles, as was Pee Wee Herman.)

42. Snowboarding is the most awesome sport in the world (Yeah, I can’t wait for snowboarding season!  Fuck professional football and those other real sports.)

43. I am a very competitive person, but I know to stop when I haven’t got a chance (Competitive enough to where in your mind the most awesome sport in the world isn’t even a team sport.  To each their own, I guess.)

44. One day I want to go to a beach, lie in the sand all day, and just relax (That’s really overrated and not as glamorous as it sounds.)

45. I love my diet. I can eat anything I want, I just have to limit the amount I eat of it. Calories is all that counts, forget the sugar and that carbs and the fat —– its the calories you have to watch. Makes it alot easier too. (I know a lot of anorexics and bulimics that would disagree with you.)

46. I’m probably going to get arthritis when I’m older because I type so much (You mean carpal tunnel perhaps?)

47. I love people but for some reason I can’t fall in love with them (Could be menstrual?)

48. I miss Jesse and Anna (Boo hoo…)

49. I need to wash my face again (I guess we’re just not going to take an actual shower, huh?)

50. This is number 50, and I am going to sleep (You didn’t have to reach 50.  I would’ve been content if you stopped at 5.)