randomity? school? death? I dont know

School starts in 3.5 more days. Kirsten isn’t in my house. Stephen’s schedule is getting changed so im pretty sure he won’t be in any of my classes. I have a feeling this school year is reeeeeeeeally going to suck. I am still looking forward to it however, because I am sick of sitting here doing nothing all day. At least being miserable in school is doing something. I can sit and silently make fun of people and be better than everyone else in my art class.

Ha, don’t worry, im not that conceited…I’m going to be in Art 3 H. The objective of this particular class is to build a good portfolio with lots of pretty artwork by the end of the year (while getting honors credit, which is lovely) which means the only people in that class are the hardcore artists that actually enjoy spending long hours of their day doing what they do best. And because they enjoy doing it so much, they are really really good at it. I’m decent but some people like……..Sylvia, and that one girl who wears the cat ears, WOW. Especially Sylvia, her stuff is just…wow. If you saw one of her drawings, you’d think someone had taken a picture and then got it blessed by the pope.

But so yea, even art won’t be as fun anymore because I won’t ever again have that silent evil satisfaction of knowing my drawings are better than everyone else’s………Instead, I will embarrasingly hang my stuff up on the wall while wondering to myself why I was ever allowed a prismacolor pencil in the first place.

And Im glad we went to England when we did, and not now. Imagine if we had waited 3 weeks and went this week instead. My god that would have been a nightmare…Imagine if those people had managed to get on those planes today and blown em up….that would’ve been more than a nightmare, that’d be hell.

Just imagine….

The terrorist guy sitting in the waiting area, waiting to board. He knows what he’s about to do. I wonder if he looks around at all the people sitting next to him…..the two teenagers listening to their Ipods….the lady with the 3 year old and the baby….the guy in front of him his on the phone with his wife, already making plans for the weekend and telling each other that they love each other and they’ll see each other soon…
Does the terrorist guy realize what he’s doing? Doesn’t he realize that these are all innocent people that have got families and friends and lives waiting for them? Does he think of the man on the phone across from him, and his wife, and that when he dies, the wife will be left alone with 3 kids to take care of. She’ll cry everytime she tries to sleep. She’ll see his empty side of the bed and the reality will hit her that he’ll never fill that spot again…
Sure, he may be getting rid of an "evil culture" or "infedels" or whatever, but….would someone really want to cause that much pain? So much pain to so many people…Would someone seriously be that demented and sick? It may be 200 people that die, but they’re dead, they don’t even know what happened anymore. Its the people that survive that suffer….

Has there ever been this much death and destruction in history? All you ever hear about is people dying, and frankly im sick of it. Ever read Fahrenheit 451? Its like it is now, theres so much death everywhere, no one even cares anymore. I know I don’t. People die. Life for the still-living goes on. If someone from my immidiate family dies, I think the only person I’d miss is my dad. I despise him sometimes, but I’d miss him making me coffee in the morning, I’d miss him giving me massages after swim meets, id miss him taking me to those swim meets and getting mad at me when I don’t take the competition as seriously as he does. I’d miss him making me breakfast, and I’d miss him taking my brothers and I skiing every spring break. I’d miss having him to come to for help when my computer gets angry or im stuck with ideas for an art project. I’d also miss him because if he dies, my whole life would change because of the financial situation. He’s the one in the family that makes the money, and if he died, we’d have to move, and sell everything, and live in a tiny house, and I wouldn’t have anyone to help me pay for college.

I honestly can’t think of anything I’d miss about anyone else….maybe I’d miss my youngest brother’s funny constant random outbursts, but thats about it….

I guess I’d miss having my eldest brother to show random interesting things to, because he’s the only one I know that appreciates them, unlike the little brother who’s too young and stupid to understand anything I try to show him. But, that is the ONLY thing I’d miss about him.

I’d miss Ellen, but I’m not around her enough for her death to have any real impact on me.

There’s only one other person I’d miss, which is Frank, of course. His death wouldn’t change my life like my dad’s would, but it would have an emotional impact far greater, and I know it. It makes me sad to think about what happen if my dad ever died, and brings me to tears to think about Frank dying, which is why if I had not already been thinking about this topic all day, I would not be typing this.

If Frank died, since he lives so far away, I probably wouldn’t even know it until one of his friends got online and told me. I would never get to see him…Not that I’m planning on it anytime soon, but at least I have the option to in the future if I want. If he dies, then there is a 0% chance of that happening, obviously. I’d miss his stupid jokes and his random stupid sayings. I’d miss the way he mercilessly insults people, leaving them speechless and out of comebacks. I’d miss the way he gets possesive and protective about me when he thinks I don’t know it. I’d miss his miracle remedy – the statement "I love you". I’d miss our little song game and him being my partner in crime on computer games. I’d miss being the person that he knows will sit there and listen to him ramble and not get annoyed. I’d miss qoating family guy and sending each other funny video finds from youtube. I’d miss talking about him and talking to him….I’d miss everything.
I shouldn’t, but I do, mostly because he lives on the other side of the country, and because I’m pretty sure he doesn’t think about me as nearly as much or as highly as I do him. Then again….maybe he does? I don’t know and I don’t care, I’ll always love him no matter what.