i know your secrets

I am so sick of my family. My brother just left to go to his play, and I hope him and my mom fucking get hit by a car and die. Why? Well, its a long story, many long stories actually. Every time they do something stupid I hate them more and more and I dont know how much longer I can take it. A bit dramatic, sure, but I dont care. The only thing I would miss about my mom is that I won’t be able to drive anywhere. And id have to make my own dinner. But thats it, and once I get my own car, that first part wont matter.

When I was younger It used to make me angry and jealous, seeing everyone else all happy with their parents. Now I just dont give a fuck. Ive grown to accept the fact that theyre evil idiots and we’ll always hate each other. I tried to burn my brother today with a hot glue gun . During the process I actually got burned, but I didnt let him have the satisfaction of knowing that. I think I got him a good 2 or 3 times though. Yea…I know…Im psycho, but he deserved it. Thats the first bit of revenge ive gotten in a year or 2.

I was talking to Frank last night. Apparently he thinks Im shallow and self-absorbed. I always knew he would tell me that one day. Theres so much stuff I dont know about him, and he knows everything about me. Im not though. For one, he never says anything about himself, and two, i guess I just dont like butting into other peoples lives, because I dont know if theyll get mad at me or not . But anyway, we had a nice long talk about him. He didnt think I knew about any of it, but I did. In the few years ive known him, Ive been able to take little bits and pieces of what he says and put them together. Thats what I do with everyone for some reason. Like Pat. Every once in a while he lets something slip, and me and Kirsten have finally come to the conclusion that he IS, in fact, a drug dealer 😛

1. Aaron has to get his drugs from somewhere, and who else but Pat? One of his bestest buds

2. He ALWAYS has lots of money, and has no job. Well, according to him he doesnt.

3. He tells us he gets his money from "people" but wont specify who those people are.

4. Its why he himself is so messed up. And when I say messed up, i dont mean psycho or anything, he just…seems out of it about 98% of the time. Hmm…. Like Aaron!

5. He goes to a psychiatrist or whatever for something, and we still havent been able to figure out exactly what.

6. He knows so much about it. I mean…he can tell you every little detail about whatever drug you wanna know about.

So yea, we’re probably over-thinking it, but who cares. Its one of the many things we laugh about to pass the time in Spanish. Oh, and speaking of Pat. Anna gave him her letter, and at lunch today Kirsten was trying to get him to talk to me about it, and I was pretending like I had no idea, because I wanted to hear what he had to say. Kirsten told him" So are you gonna do what the letter asked you to do?" And he’s like "ha, umm..I dont know" and I said "what did she ask you? tell me tell me tell me!" and he said "It told me to ask you out. Because I like you." And yea, thats when me and kirsten lost it and started laughing. I told him "awww, really? well I like you too! ^_^ " and then I mumbled some other stuff and he had to leave to go to class. Then, me and kirsten turned around, and started laughing again. Or, "giggling" as she says it.

We laugh at everything -.-

Anyway, I dont know whats gonna happen now. Im happy with the way things are going between us right now, so no matter what happens, ill be fine with it. As long as we’re still friends when its all over. UGH…Im doing it again.

Everytime I meet a new guy that I like, for some reason, I start comparing him with Frank. Its really annoying. Like Pat, he’s much nicer than frank, but he’s no where near as outgoing, and I cant spend literally hours talking to him like I can with Frank. Is that bad? That Im comparing him like that? Ugh…Pat’s a great sweet guy and all, but he’s no where near Frank.  But I dont "like" frank like I do Pat, I’m just happy he’s there for me I guess.

Oh well. I guess frank is right. We’re two of a kind, and I’ll never find another person like him, and he’ll never find another one like me.

I really hope micheals’ parents arent going to watch the astros game at the pub again tomorrow night…I wanted to go to ellens. But its either stay over at ellens, or make 25$. Hmmm….. Tough descision.