Oppression

Why does life have to be this hard?

Why?

I know life is ups and downs and waves….but the waves are such  monsters that they knock you out and almost drown you. . And there are so many downs compared to ups. Everything is such a struggle.

Just at the moment even being awake is so hard. Every dawn breaks bringing a new day of panic, dread, fear, depression, battling to try and eat, utter sadness, and energy draining.

I am trying so hard.

My parents are trying too. I hate hurting them. It hurts them to see their only daughter in difficulty. I’d hate to be a parent. Which is why I choose not to be.

I think I have landed a modelling contract. Hmm. This is interesting.

I just want to breathe okay. I want the pain to stop.

I want to not hurt the people around me. I want to please people and be a joy in their life. I want it to not cost me the world to be able to do that.

Please please please can the heavens grant me some grace soon.

Please.