A faint desire.

I want to wake up in the morning, and actually look forward to the day.

I want to wake up in the morning without knots of anxiety, stress and hunger in my body.

I want to remember what it’s like to enjoy being alive.

I want to remember what it’s like to relax and enjoy something. What it’s like to watch TV or see a movie, to play with someone or something. To read a book, for it’s own sake.

I want to be able to be hugged and not withdraw.

I want to actually be able to INITIATE a hug.

I want to live in a house with people who aren’t easily frustrated, moody, or prone to angry verbal outbursts.

I want the feelings of needing to hurt myself, to subside.

I want to feel like it’s SAFE to be happy, or enjoy something.

I want to be able to manage my life, without feeling crushed and overwhelmed.

I want to be able to eat without fear of retribution.

Sophia with some words

February 12, 2006

It’s good that you want these things. You can learn how to make them happen for you, too, in tiny little steps. Hold on to these thoughts as fast as you can!

.no.modern.babydoll.

wanting these things is the first step to having them. the first step is the hardest of all. love to you,

northern skies.

i wish i had words for you, i really do. so many of the things you listed resonate with me. i guess what it comes down to is that there things aren’t going to happen on their own. how badly do you want them?

***HUGS*** I want all these things for you too!!!

soliloquy girl

If you read this entry out to your GP I am pretty sure that they would recommend some psychotropic drugs (anti-depressants). Have you considered medication? After returning to anti-depressants after a short time off of them (in which I could have typed this entry myself) I am starting to be able to puruse the things that I want. If you are open to the idea, I think that medictaion

– Perhaps even as a short term solution, will help you get that boost back until you can create your own. When my Psychiatrist recommended anti-depressants I was repulsed by the idea, but after seeing their positive effects (on my Mum) I realised that there is no shame in medication. Especially in the instances of long term, or biologically predetermined depression. Love you xox