P-doc appt*

So the psychiatrist was okay. Nice guy. Structured, calm, seemed proactive. I think he might be able to help.

The appointment was at 6pm. And next appt is 3rd week January. Weekly appts. Always 6pm.

He didn’t focus on weight, or shape, although we talked a little about ED. We both acknowledged that the real issue lies elsewhere. I am glad about this. Thank god he knows this and is not triggering me by focusing on how much I weigh. (sorry if people who noted me thought that I was feeling despair BECAUSE he didn’t weigh me – I just had my paragraphs mixed up!)

Now, I’m home. I’m feeling despair. Utter.

I have a history of binging after p-doc appts. Pychologists, GP appts to do with ED, psychiatrists regarding ED issues. I had forgotten about this. Now I find myself unsure of what to eat, like my whole routine, which offered me such security is disrupted. I don’t know what I’m doing.

I feel like I’m about to fall off the cliff. And awaken the monster within. The monster of appetite.

I’m scared. And feel completely alone.

And once again want to hurt myself.

tromploeil

December 20, 2005

you’re not alone. you have d and s (that didn’t come out right lol) and you have your fabulous mind and determination. and he’s right about ignoring the wizard and looking for the man behind the curtain. have a lovely holiday, and use your diary to vent, rage, rant and find catharsis. take care

Sophia with some words

What he said! Please don’t hurt yourself. I’ve said this so many times, but take it a day at a time. When it gets that bad, take it a minute at a time. You’ve got the strength within you to get through this and find the answers, even if you feel lost sometimes. Just hold on.

soliloquy girl

My Doctor has never weighed me – He focuses on what lies behind the ED too. It can be confronting at first, but don’t give up. Perhaps you could see a dietician to help you with food/weight queries?

Oh yeah, the psychiatrist does sound very sensible. I don’t see how it could help you to be weighed by your psychiatrist, and he appears to get that! Here’s to hoping he can assist you in taking the next step on your journey.

And in case you’re not back before the weekend, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas of sharing love and warmth among friends and family. I’ll send you snowy thoughts 🙂