The birthday high …

… is dissipating like I knew it would and the lead up to my last day of work came to a close as well.  It was an awesome Friday the 13th!  Another birthday came and went, and each year it feels a little more special while at the same time a little less special … it’s becoming a day of recognition more than celebration … it’s becoming a day of giving smiles more than receiving gifts … it’s becoming a day like every other day, when Anything and Everything can happen.  I took a step further into forgiveness, and let go a little more of the events on this same day in 2007 when my world was spinning off its axis  never to be the same again.

Friday started with a terrible headache that I was able to breathe my way out of, and then the day became a flurry of texts, phone calls, hugs, saying goodbyes, unexpected gifts, surprising emotions, and rushing when there was no need to rush.  The culmination was when I laid my head on my arm and felt the first sting as he created my bird of freedom.  I focused on the trail of the needle and marvelled at the difference in the points of pain as my bird took flight.  I felt my body respond to the tolerable pain by tensing, and I willed it to relax.  I listened with half an ear to the other artist talking to his client and briefly wondered if I should be talking more, but talking was a distraction, so I continued to consciously relax and peek up at the progress every few minutes.  It took barely an hour and I am thrilled with the result.  When I got home, I sat with Snoop in front of my little fireplace and reviewed the day, breathing deep into my body and finding all the tense spots, then mindfully relaxing each spot.  It was a good way to end the day, and I slept well.

I purposefully went slow yesterday, being very aware of my mood(s).  I’ve been here before where I’ve had an adrenaline rush and ended up with an energetic hangover the next day which can lead to mild depression, which can then take hold and BAM! I’m caught in the gravity of the abyss.  I napped at 8:00 a.m., had a lovely visit with Danitra et al, then another nap Lol, then McDonalds for lunch and NOT in the play area;)  I was invited to a tea sampling and came home with a new teamug, then out to the farm to visit with Niko et al … cheesecake for an appetizer and spaghetti for the main course!! It was perfect:)  Home by 5:30 which was lovely because it gave me an evening to continue decompressing.  I pulled my year ahead and will put into a doc today without too much thought.  It’s always interesting to see how the year plays out, reading after each month rather than before so I’m not influenced.  I think the BJ was feeling abit neglected because she was nattering in my ear for awhile after I turned out the light, and I dreamt of packing a man into a suitcase with a bomb, then pushing the suitcase down the pavement until the bomb went off and watched as a pink feather and pink blood dripped from the bottom …. kinda ewwwww.  There was more to the dream but that was the relevant part I think.

Today will be more active, but still on the slow and easy side.  I don’t have to cram a bunch of stuff into my day because I am officially unemployed and tomorrow is just sitting there, waiting to be filled with whatever I decide to fill it with.  This change is also something for me to be aware of … “they” say that a job ending is very much like ending a relationship of the same length of time …… When I think about it, I’ve ended a lot of big things in my life all at pretty much the same time leaving substantial space … hmmmmm … and while there isn’t a rush to replace anything or build a routine at this point, I need to do my best to ensure this new ‘space of substance’ is filled with healthy choices … like music to start:)