The NEW purpose of OD.

Hey everyone,

I think the only one that still reads this is Suiter…thanks man. So therefore I’m turning this into my own personal venting place for my relationship problems. Let’s see….what’s happened in the last week…

I fucked some other guy, and then told Charlie about it…we almost broke up. At first that was what I was striving for…then I decided maybe that wasn’t the BEST thing. I broke his heart, and felt REALLY bad…then he reminded me every f*ucking day of what I’d done wrong. I told him that no matter what, as long as there was a chance this was going to work out…that I would STILL be here. Well it got really hard, and I was getting hurt more often then I expected… We had just gotten things all straightened out when last night/this morning he dropped a huge bomb on me. He told me that in the very beginning of our relationship all he had started out wanting was sex. He waited 2 and half years to pass that off. I still think it was to hurt me…and I will always think that. He didn’t quite get why it hurt me so bad…well things are still jumbled up from the whole other guy thing (we’ll call him "Adam") and Charlie likes to dig it in that all "Adam" was after was sex, and now that he got what he wanted he’s gone. He thinks that I wanted "Adam" and tried to hurt me with that. Well surprise, surprise Charlie…I didn’t f*cking want him. But you ended up hurting me completely with that.

ANYHOW…not f*cking bitter. Let me just throw in what’s happened TONIGHT. Charlie told me that I couldn’t hang out with my friends anymore, considering I was with them with the whole "Adam" thing happened. I agreed I know that all he wants to do is to stop from getting hurt again. BUT, I think that this should also go for him too. He may not have cheated but there is no way I’m going to sit at home and stare at the wall while he goes out and has a good time. F*CK THAT. Well I feel asleep and he woke me up saying he was going to go to Dustin’s. It was already past 10 p.m. and it’s really creepy out at my house. I agreed, but I asked him to be back home by midnight…pretty descent enough offer. Well another one of Charlie demands was that I wasn’t to get on the internet without him being here, cause that’s where "Adam" and I started talking. (No it wasn’t an internet thing…he’s from Mayfield and I know him in person) Well he left the internet connected and I called up Dustin to talk to Charlie and see if it was okay if I checked myspace…well Charlie hadn’t gotten there yet, and Dustin decided to do something really shitty. He was like…Charlie isn’t here? Is he suppose to be? Well that completely caught me off guard… I knew he was probably kidding…so I told Dustin to just have him call me back when he got there. I waited 40 minutes, Dustin lives 10 mins away and Charlie had already been gone 10 before I even called Dustin…so I called him back. He let it ring, and finally the voice mail picked up. I called back a second time, and it went straight to voicemail. I got a little upset…I was worried Charlie had been lying to me the two times he had already been to Dustin’s in the middle of the night. I called one more time, just in case they had been trying to call me back and we had messed up the connection, rang once went straight to voicemail. So more stuff happened between here and now that also upset me…but anyhow. I checked myspace and then my e-mail and tried again. After a few attempts Charlie picks up…it was already 10 after midnight… I asked him why he didn’t call me back, he didn’t have an answer. He told me he would be back in a lil while…I snapped and said it was already midnight and he needed to get back home NOW. He didn’t like that very much at all… But the whole god damn time I’d been sitting around I was worried and nervous. It raises my blood pressure and makes me sick to my stomach. So whatever. He just pulled in the driveway…so we’ll see what happens.

-Kayla