The Master. And Bambi?

 According to B, it’s all about the Hustle. As soon as you walk into the room, when all eyes are on you to see who has just come through the door, you’re scanning the playing field. You should be able to pick a man out of the crowd in 30 seconds or less. Even if you don’t have to go, make a walk to the bathroom and keep scanning in case you didn’t see anything when you first entered the room. On the way back, if you found yourself someone on your first journey through the room, now’s the time to make eye contact. The Hustle has begun.

 Immediate eye contact and you lock them in. The first time is fleeting. The second eye contact lingers a little longer but with more intensity. This is the “I am only looking at you. I want you” look. The third time is what she calls “Closing The Deal.”  This is where the eye contact is held for 10 long seconds, and ends with a smile. 99% of the time guys will walk away from their perch after that and head straight for you.

The next part of the Hustle is body language. You’re relaxed but leaning in their direction. You’re smiling, feigning interest in whatever they’re saying, even if it’s incredibly dull. Leaning in closer to hear what they’re saying is a big must if the room is crowded and noisy. OH! And don’t forget to find something interesting and quirky about yourself to somehow work into the conversation. And use what’s different about you to your advantage (looks wise.)  Nine times out of Ten you’ll walk away with this guy’s number, or he’ll walk away with yours.

I have seen here do this a thousand times during the course of our friendship and, she never fails. B is a master at getting whatever guy she picks out to come her way.  She has been trying to teach me the tricks to her trade, and the more persistent she becomes the more I close up and want to retreat. It has gotten to the point that she’s pushing me so hard to do it that I stop having fun.  I applied her methods last Friday, and sure I was successful but it just didn’t feel natural. The guy was nice enough,  and he was somewhat attractive to me, but I just wasn’t feeling it. It turned out he had more in common with B than myself and they ended up monopolizing the conversation.  Last night she kept pushing me to do it again to a guy I had ZERO interest in and got all impatient with me when I refused to “practice” my Hustling skills.

I get that it might improve my confidence skills around genders of the opposite sex, and it will put me out there and show that I am open and available for whatever guy I chose to come up and strike a conversation with me. But I just can’t bring myself to do it. I don’t know how much of it is it not being in my nature or the fact she’s watching me and criticizing every move I make. “Do this, do that. How about that guy? Relax more,  draw attention to yourself…” and on and on and on….She seems to think I give off an “unapproachable” vibe when we’re out and I don’t see how. When we’re just out having fun I feel relaxed and happy….but I am a shy person, and a quiet person until I get comfortable with someone you know?

Also, I cannot feign interest in someone when there is none. Chemistry is big for me too. I feel like what’s the point? What if I zone in on a guy, actually perfect my Hustle, he comes over because he thinks I am truly interested in him and I am not? Isn’t that leading someone on? Like the guy last night. B was right, he would have been a super easy target. I noticed him consistently looking in my direction,  and if I had followed her techniques he probably would have been at my side in 10 seconds.  I was not however, attracted to him in any way at all. Physically. Maybe that makes me shallow? But it would have felt wrong. He would have come over, I would have had to talk to him when I really didn’t want to. He would have thought I was interested in him when I really wasn’t.  It would have been like I lost a bet and he was the result. He wouldn’t know that of course, but I would. It doesn’t sit well with me.

According to B though, I won’t ever learn to Hustle the ones I really want until I practice on the easy targets first.  The Master to the Grasshopper.  I want to be more approachable. I spent so many years wrapped up in one person, most of my dating years, that I never learned how to be sociable with other men around.  I usually have very attractive girlfriends who the guys will fall over themselves  to get to, and I am fun for conversation usually but nothing more. Maybe I still have that aura about me that says “not her.”

Or maybe I am just Old Fashion in thinking that if a guy is truly interested in me, he will make the first move. He will have picked ME out of a crowd and “Hustled” ME.  Which is probably retarded thinking.  It is fun to watch her work, to see her never fail, and I wish I had that skill. And I don’t wish I had the skill. Which I am pretty sure I don’t.  I am just awkward. I mean how could I not be? I met my ex ONLINE and our only way of communicating was through chatting. I am sure that probably stunted my social skills to the 100th degree. I can be comfortable on the computer, bolder, more myself because I am hiding behind a computer screen. When it comes to actual face time, I am not sure really what to do. Watching me is probably like watching Bambi on ice. A disaster sure to happen.

While I long for someone to connect with physically and emotionally (because who doesn’t want that?) I don’t feel like I need to be in constant contact with men. To date one and when that doesn’t work out, move on to the next one.  I don’t want to be alone, but I am not scared of it either.  B is all about the “backups.”  She made things official with Aaron but, is struggling with the thought of not talking to other guys in case he doesn’t work out. I don’t want a parade of men blowing up my phone, just one.  I think it’s lonelier to have a line of men with little or no depth in your life, than to have none at all.

I might just be okay being Bambi.