Magic Eraser

 I guess my curiosity got the best of me and I decided to take a peak at Frank’s Face Book, which is public by the way now. Convenient now that he has nothing to hide. It is official. He is actually married to this girl now. I don’t miss him. I don’t want him back. I KNOW I am so much better off. I know he is this HUGE jack-ass…I am not hung up on him anymore. So why do I give a shit that he married this chick?

Because some part of me wonders what makes her so special? I know he is the one with the problem…I know I didn’t do anything to deserve the hurt and betrayal he laid on me…I was so invested though, and so loyal and truly loved him. I waited SO fucking long for him to be ready for marriage…(obviously my first mistake.) I don’t know. It’s just a huge blow to my self esteem somehow. I can’t explain it. I feel sorry for this girl…and God knows what lies he has told her too…

Finding out this tidbit really reinforces how utterly stupid I feel. I can’t believe I was so gullible. I really think that is what bothers me the most. And to think that all that time meant nothing. It couldn’t possibly have meant anything. If I had mattered in any significant way things wouldn’t have gone down this way. I HATE being made to feel stupid…everyone can keep saying that I am the victim here and that I couldn’t have known what he was up to, but it doesn’t matter….I feel like a ridiculous retard for falling for the whole charade.

How can a person ever know that the other person they are with are just as invested? Love and care just as much? How do you trust that they are sincere? Not just faking it. …..

Ah fuck it. I am just going to suck it up and not dwell on it. I can’t change the past 9 years of my life….unfuckingfortunately.

Sigh….

   This will be the last time I dedicate any entry to him, or what was us, or this absurd situation…or how it all makes me feel. 

As far as I am concerned he never happened.