Let Me Just Say I Am Sorry Now

    It looks like the kitty is not destined to live with me. *sad face* Since bringing her home she has seemed the most discontent I have ever seen her. I don’t doubt she was happy to be with her "mamma" but I don’t think she felt very much at home. She cried a lot and seemed lost. Even though all of my things were familiar to her I have been getting the feeling she wanted to be back at her "real" home. I thought after a few weeks she’d calm down and settle into her new life here, but alas that was not the case. She just meows ALL the time and all night and I am constantly fighting for her to shut up and go to sleep at night. It’s not meows of pain or anything, just cries of upset. I can sense her moods, I have had her for 15 years so I think that qualifies me to know what she’s thinking/feeling you know? 
 
  So today settled the question. My water heater broke and flooded out my closet which required me to pack HER and all of her kitty belongings, and take her back to my moms so I could contact the landlord. (Turns out the water heater had a leak and it needed to be replaced.) After about ten minutes at my mom’s she was back to her old self and seemed 99.9% happier. I guess that’s where she blongs. She IS an old cat and I know to her she can’t understand why we had to leave our "home." She isn’t made for dramatic lifestyle changes anymore. While I am sad that she cannot be with me all the time, I understand the logistics of it all. She needs to be in familiar territory. I get it, but it still sucks. I guess it would have been this way had I gone away to college, she most definitely would not have been able to go with me…and it helps that I at least live in the same town and can visit her any time I want. 
 
  People roll their eyes at pet owners who think of their pets as "children." Only other pet owners understand how close you can get with a small animal. They live for you, and you for them. They depend on you like a child would to feed them, provide shelter…So I honestly feel like I am leaving my "baby" behind. =( I would rather her be where she is happiest and missing me, than with me and unhappy in her new surroundings though. Not to mention her constant meows run us the risk of being discovered and me being fined and then possibly evicted by my landlord. It’s the smart decision, I know I need to be grown up about it. Just makes me sad. I look for her little warm body when it’s bed time…or to greet me when I come home from work….SIGH. 
 
Anyway, moving on. 
 
  The anniversary of my father’s death passed a few days ago. The days surrounding the 6th I was very quiet and moody with no real reason as to WHY. Friends kept asking me if I was okay as I was not my usual bubbly self apparently and I had no idea what they were talking about. I guess I felt okay, just quieter than usual. It wasn’t until yesterday while I was sitting at a stop light waiting for it to turn red that I realized that it was the 10th and my father had died four days prior. I seem to do this every year since he took his life. It’s like I subconciously block it out until later, when I am apparently able emotionally handle it then I allow it to dawn on me. I get that its a coping mechanism. Sometimes it is just easier to forget. It seems that after all this time I would be less angry about his suicide and just mourn for him instead, but nope. I think about it and he’s still the selfish bastard who took his own life. 
 
And while I am man-hating;
 
  Why is it that guys are only interested in talking with you if the topics are geared towards a sexual nature? They appear  to have no other interest in you otherwise. I hate to break it to you guys, there’s more to a girl than breasts and a vagina.  Like a whole interesting and full of ideas and opinions kind of more. Should give it a go sometime, just saying. 

 And I don’t want to hear "guys are more physical and girls are more mental blah blah blah blah blah"     That’s a pretty shallow theory to me. Sorry =) 
 
*******Disclaimer: This last part does not necessarily refer to me by the way. Just wanted to throw that out there. I should also clarify that I am not attacking all males, just the guilty ones. 😉