Give In To Me

**Possibly the sexiest song ever…..

 So I have the kitty. I packed her up and brought her to the new place. She seems to be handling it pretty well but I think she is a bit sad. I kind of pulled her out of the place shes lived the past five years with me AND my mom. I know she has been confused these past few weeks but I haven’t had to go pull her from hiding or anything. I think she is just happy to be with me again. Right now she is passed out beside me on the bed, so looks pretty content.  It feels good to have her with me. =) Just cross our fingers and legs I don’t get caught having her. Ugh. 

   Always living on the edge, I am….
 
  As of late I have been a sounding board for two of my friends whose love lives are all crazy and confused. Not that I mind, they were both there for me and never judged or told me what I should or shouldn’t do, I guess I should just be grateful I don’t have any love-life drama anymore. The office romance went south over the weekend for my one friend and has officially ended (I hope.) I feel bad for B because she went against her rules of "being the one who cares a little less" and really allowed herself to care for the guy only for him to say it wasn’t working out (and I should mention she tried to break it off twice before early on when she realized she was having these feelings and he wouldn’t let her) and they should call it quits. He was pretty flippant about how he ended things too which I think is a little cruel and it wouldn’t be so bad if they didn’t have to work together so closely. So I feel bad for her, she’s usually reserved and the one time she isn’t it goes south. Under the circumstances though I don’t see how it could have ended up any other way. 

  Meanwhile my other friend is the COMPLETE opposite and is totally fawning over a total douche bag for the past year who cheated on his fiancee with her, broke up with fiance to date my friend (L) only to cheat on her a week and a half later and is now back with his ex fiance ….then he offered my friend a job where he works and like a big ‘ol dummy she took it. Desperate to spend any time with him…and now he’s cheating on his fiancee with L again! Oiy…Such a big annoying headache. So today she tells me she dropped the Love Bomb on him last night….  I feel like I am not being very sympathetic towards her though, but it’s probably because any time I am around her he is ALL she talks about. We go on our hikes and walks that sometimes last HOURS depending on how far we go…and the entire time she rambles on about this guy. And trust me, he’s obviously nothing to ramble on about. Today I was off looking in the distance and was drifting off in thought when she brought me out of it by asking, "you think..blah blah blah, right?"  Huh? Oops….I had totally stopped listening. Way to go Hanna… =/

   So today I was sitting on my back porch thinking, "How can I be that girl who guards herself enough but not too much, and not the girl who totally obsess over one guy who isn’t so deserving?" I don’t think I can be like B whose motto is to be the one who cares/loves a little less so you’re not the one who ends up hurt, but I can’t be like L either who just completely loses herself in one guy (non-deserving btw). Not that it’s really an issue right now as I am not seeing anyone, but next time…if there is one. I hope I’d be somewhere in the MATURELY handled middle. 

B seems to think that there is ALWAYS some one in a relationship who cares or loves a little less than the other. She asked me to think of one couple where I thought they both cared and loved each other exactly the same. I couldn’t think of anyone. Even my own grandparents who were dedicated to each other for over 50 years. I think my grand mother loved my grandfather more so than he did her. Not that he didn’t love her, but he took her for granted often, and wasn’t always understanding or patient with her. Hell, sometimes he wasn’t even that nice to her. She was a trophy wife it seemed on the outside. In fact I would go as far as to say that he was more in love with himself than anyone else. Everything was about him and his Pastorial/Evangalist lifestyle.She was definitely the back bone of their relationship though. His own children were way down the list of priorities. 

  It’s scary to think B might be right. I wish I could prove her wrong so she could believe that equal love and devotion is out there. I mean isn’t that what we are all searching for in the end? To give as much as we wish to receive? I think that terrifies me now for any future relationship. How can I ever be sure the other person cares as much? Is as passionate? As in love? You can never truly know how another person feels nor how they think. It HAS to be possible though. I am sticking to that.