Breath.

So last weekend I turned 26 (officially, 25 is still the age I am handing out though, haha) and I spent the weekend with my Godkids. They spoiled me with love and made my whole weekend. It’s amazing how little kids can just, put things into perspective. They just love and love….and there are no games, no waiting, or conditions..It’s just something they do. I wonder why that has to change? I want them to keep loving…and be loved. Because no matter the price you pay for that emotion, it’s still a pretty awesome one to experience. Ahhh, well, anyway.

I had a dream about Frank the other night. I had logged onto my computer to check my messages and there was one from him telling me he was sorry for his absence and that he could explain everything, if I would please just give him a chance. And then to meet him online at a certain time and look for a specific name. I woke up from the dream before I could react. The first thing I remember feeling before I woke up though? "I don’t want to talk to him…." And it’s true. People keep saying they think I haven’t heard the last from him (I disagree) and how will I react when he comes back around? Providing I don’t have a psychotic episode on his ass, I genuinely have no interest in a future with him anymore. I could never trust him. NEVER. And I could never love him as a man in my intimate future because I cant trust him.

I have stopped letting Frank rent space in my head. I feel free of him some how. I thought it would take a hell of a lot longer, but maybe the destruction of our relationship started long before his disappearance. Now he just seems like a memory from a life time ago…

Amazing how that is both a sad and happy feeling.

But I am meeting people, and gaining confidence. And more than anything, just having fun. My other single friend (who happens to be my supervisor) and I go out and act as wing (wo)men and we do our thing. "Divide and conquer," that’s our motto, haha. It works out well for us. Neither one of us have that desire to be center of attention, so we don’t get jealous when one is getting hit up more than the other…it’s a team effort to complete the mission! She’s a good guider though. When I am feeling shy or insecure she just shoves me into a position where I am forced to act….then I am grateful she did..haha.

So I am excited about my freedom. About all the possibilities….at least for now. =)