Comfortably Numb

     So a week from today I leave for Indiana and a week from tomorrow I pick Frank up from the Indianapolis airport (I will probably get lost, haha) and then see what happens. I am still a bit nervous, but I think I am just psyching myself out, he’s still the same guy. I am ready to get that part over with though.
 
    I have been keeping myself pretty busy with school, going 15 hours a week and working 40 hours a week at my job. On top of that I have to dedicate 2 hours a week to the Family Drug Court for my work study, and I also have been trying to get the house clean..cleaner, because it desperately needs it. I cleaned out dresser drawers so Frank can put his clothes in instead of living out of a suit case, and I made closet space for him so he can hang his clothes also. He acts like I am being silly, but I think he secretly likes the idea of having space in my home, even if it’s just for a month.
 
    The Family Drug court went okay yesterday. I had it in my head I was supposed to be there at 1:30 and I was supposed to be there at 1:00. Way to be late to court Hanna! Uhg, I was embarrassed. Since just last week three girls relapsed on drugs and alcohol, and one hasn’t even made an attempt to spend time with her child. She is only 18 and wants to spend all her time with her boyfriend. As a result she has lost home visits and now has to visit with her child at a supeervised location with child services. How sad is that? I know it’s her age and immaturity that is causing her to not care, but I believe the results of this program are if you do not make effort to improve your life, stay clean, and to work on becoming a better parent, you eventually lose your guardianship and they could even give your kid up for adoption.
 
    I know if this girl were older she would understand the consequences better. Right now she still wants to be 18 and she can’t be that girl anymore. She has to be a mother first. I can remember being 18 and I cannot imagine being a mother at that age. I can barely imagine being a mother at THIS age and I am a full blown adult. 24 years old….and she seems still like such a child. I wonder if people thought that about me when I was 18, lol.
 
    One of the ladies who relapsed over the weekend cried through most of her court. I think she felt genuine remorse over what she had done, because she confessed before the Drug Court Admin even mentioned anything to the judge. The advice they gave her last week she took to heart and followed through with. You can tell though she has been on drugs for many years. By the way she moves her head and body and her eyes are shifty and erratic. It is almost as though she is still spazzed out on opiats and crack. Last week she wore shorts and a tank top and had sores (older) all over her body which is a result of her addiction I am sure. It was pretty gross.
    
I am trying to look really deep inside myself to find sympathy for these girls, to find a place in my heart to understand where they are coming from and why they chose the paths they have chosen and what has put them in this situation right now. But when I am sitting in court, it seems like I am sititng in the audience of a Jerry Springer show or something, lol. I feel pretty detatched. What kind of person doesn’t feel compassion though? I feel pretty bad about that.
 
    Maybe it will come to me…..