Freedom

It has been approximately one month since I left my job. I haven’t felt one ounce of regret, remorse, guilt, second guessing, and I have loved every minute of it.
I have also enjoyed being a bum for a little while. I have steadily been looking for work, but at the same time I have lavished in the time I have had to myself without
having to worry wheather I am going to get called in the middle of the night, or called in on my day off. I believe I made the best choice for myself and for my career
by leaving my job.

Three days after I quit I was standing in the shower, not worried about how much time I had left and feeling the freest I have felt in a long time, and decided that
I still needed more change. I made a huge life decision and now I was free, feeling young, hopeful, energetic, and I wanted something new for myself. I decided to
cut my hair. I went and filled out an application for a sales job at a radio station and from there went to the mall and told the stylest I wanted it short and completely new.
I let her do what she wanted and it came out short and beautiful! I love it. I feel like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulder, and it wasn’t just my hair. 😉

While sitting there getting my highlights done (blonde by the way he he he) I texted my aunt who lives in Az (and just recently returned home from doing 6 years in prison) and
asked her if she was busy that weekend, she replied "no, why?" and then I said, "I’ll leave in the morning. See you in a day and a half!" So the next day I put my bags in my car
and drove West towards Los Angeles!! I blared my music, had the windows down, the sun roof open, my short hair blowing in the breeze and I was driving towards happiness.

My aunt and I have been very close since I was probably three. She is my mom’s greatest friend so she was very much like a second mother to me. She was a bit younger
than my mom so sometimes I felt safer in talking to her about some things that I felt maybe I couldn’t share with my mom. Then she’d give me advice and tell me to go to my mom.
She always considered me as one of her kids, and I was very close to her three kids. Her middle child, a girl, is like my little sister and she just had a baby in Janurary, my God child,
and she wanted me to come to AZ badly so I could meet her. I haven’t seen any of them since I was 15, they drove me home one summer after a visit, and two weeks later my aunt
was arrested for a crime her family committed ten years prior. We wrote eachother all the time, she was in a way like a journal, I wrote to her about everything. I tried to keep
everything as real as I could between us, since she was so far removed from society. My mom and I tried our best to make her dissapear into the free world, even if it only lasted
when she read our letters. She moved to AZ when she was released on parole. Not long after she went to prison her father divorced his second wife and bought a ranch in Az and he and
his son moved there. Two years ago her father died and left the ranch to my Aunt and her brother, so thats where I went. They live in an actual log cabin! They have horses and goats
and 40 acres of beautiful mountainous terrain. Oh the scenerey was beautiful. I should have taken more pictures, but I wasn’t really there to be a tourist you know?

It was really great to just relax and be with my aunt and "cousins" and my beautiful, beatufil God baby. I think I held and played with her the entire time, ha ha. My little Becca, she
was the greatest baby I’ve ever seen! Not that I’m biast or anything, ha ha. I kept delaying my trip home, finally after changing my departure date like 3 times I finally went home, lol.
A couple days after returning I had a job interview for another hotel. I have had two more interviews with the hotel and today took a drug test. The drug test is a sure sign you have
the job if it comes back with negative traces of drugs. So, that’s exciting. I am not sure what the pay will be, but, it has holiday pay, vacation paid, health and life insurance, etc. So if I am
going to have to continue to work in the hospitality business, at least I am going to be treated fairly and given benefits I have been denied for so many years. The hotel is beautiful
and the people are very strict but extremely nice. They take care of their employees. My mom works for the same company just in a different department, so she’s pretty estatic about
my becoming an employee.

So I really feel like things are really changing in my life career wise. Hopefully every desicion I am making now is the right one. Hopefully they are ones that are going to make
my life easier, and happier, and a little stress free compared to what I was experiencing.

Two of my greatest friends are each engaged to be married to their respective others, and I am so incredibly happy for them that they have found some one to make their lives better,
to make them happy. Both couples deserve it, no doubt!

I feel happy now. As much as I possibly can at this point in my life. =)