Invaded

I thought I would take a little break from studying from my math test and write about last night. First, let me give a little brief history so the people in my story make sense.

Rachel (Best friend since high school)

Molly (Rachel’s cousin)

Tommy (Rachel’s boyfriend)

 

     The story of Rachel and Tommy is pretty interesting actually. In fact, it could make a great book some day, or an Oprah episode! I was 16 when I met Tommy. I lived in Sikeston and he lived in Chicago in his parent’s basement. I was playing Yahoo pool one day when I met him. We hit it off and became pretty good friends, we talked every day and played pool every day (he was much better than I.) Well, after some months, I rush home from school to talk to him and he tells me he’s playing this guy (Remy) in pool who was really good (and who he had played on a previous occasion) and told me to come into the “room” and play too. So, in I go. Well in I go, and of course am slaughtered by the three people in the “room.” But I am a terrible pool player so it is to be expected.

 

            Anyway, so Remy is pretty funny. Incredibly smart, witty, and just over all, charismatic. I was drawn to him instantly. It became a game to make him like me, lol. Well I must have been good at my game because we started talking outside of the game and I was hooked on him bad. But I felt so bad about Tommy because he was super sweet, and although we weren’t an “item” I felt bad about just, ditching him like that for Remy. To make up for it, I hated Rachel’s boyfriend Steve, and they were on the rocks so I introduced them to each other and they hit it off immediately! They started talking a lot, and eventually a year or so later Rachel broke up with Steve and Tommy rushed down here like there was no tomorrow, and they hooked up (in every sense of the meaning! Lol. In fact, Tommy was Rachel’s “1st”) But Steve kept weaseling his way back into the picture and Rachel didn’t want to give up on their relationship since they’d been together so long, and she too ditched poor Tommy. But she never stopped wondering about him, loving or caring about him. In fact, she and I talked about him a lot. She regretted getting back together with Steve.

 

            Several years pass, and last year Rachel broke up with Steve for GOOD. She and I weren’t talking (because of the whole Miguel fiasco remember?) But in August she contacts me, and we decide to work on our friendship, work through our problems, and so far so good. Well the night we met up for the first time to just, hang out, we talked about Tommy. She was upset because she let a good thing go, and after several years she knew she’d never have a chance to be with him again. He probably didn’t want to risk it again. That night she went home, I went home, and we both got online, and about 30 seconds later (after not being on in MONTHS) Tommy comes on! Since that night he and Rachel have been together (she now lives with him in Indiana). AND, since the night we played pool with Remy, I have been with HIM ever since! (Remy=Frank lol.) All of this started with a little yahoo pool folks!

 

            Well, anyway. This diary entry isn’t really about how the four of us met our mates, really, I have another reason for writing tonight. But I thought it would be kind of cool to share our story. Should we ever have kids, it’ll make for a good “how did grandma and grandpa meet story,” lol.

 

            Now, on to the reason for this entry. Last night started out with Me, Rachel, Tommy, Molly, Melissa (Rachel’s sister) and Mary (Rachel’s mom) going bowling. Which by the way, I learned that I sucked at, haha. Then we went to dinner, and after dinner Rachel’s sister and mom went home, and the rest of us went out to a club. The place doesn’t really get busy until 11pm or so, and we got there about 9:30. But there is this little, cubby hole with couches and stuff in the corner of the club, and you have to kind of walk up a couple of steps to get there. (It looks like it used to be a stage) Right below the steps is the far end of the bar. Anyway, we are sitting there for a while, just hanging out, having a few drinks, being silly. Finally the place starts picking up and Rachel wants to go dance, so I am like lets get a drink to hydrate and then go out. I step down to the bar, Tommy heads off to the bathroom and Rachel and Molly are standing behind me on the step talking I guess. So I am waiting for the bartender to come my way and I look around the room and my eyes stop. Never in a million years would I imagine this person to be there, but there he was.

 

Miguel.

 

The bastard. I felt so violated and invaded all over again. I am 40 miles away from him, and there he is, in my club, a place I like to go because it’s away from Sikeston, away from JD’s were he made a fool out of me, where he hurt me in the most physical and mental way. I instantly just wanted to scream, or run, or kick him over and over again. Instead of feeling ashamed, I felt violated and angry. I felt like he had no reason to be there, no place there. Yet there he was. Then he spotted me…then knowing where I’d be, Rachel would most likely be, and then he spots Rachel.

 

I tell her before he reaches her that he’s there. She kind of gets this “uh oh” look on her face and I am just so, shocked. I can’t believe he’s there, and walking in our direction. I kept telling myself if he even stood near me, or said anything to me I’d go berserk and just start pounding on him.

 

Thankfully after a quick hello, some one draws his attention away from Rachel, and although I am still fuming inside I am glad he’s gone. But just the same my night was ruined. He was there and I didn’t feel safe anymore.  I tried really hard to move

past it, be mature about the situation and just forget he was there and have a good time. So we went and danced for a while. Probably about an hour later Rachel and Molly have to go used the restroom, so Tommy stay on the dance floor, not really dancing but kind of moving. I look behind him and Miguel is standing in the shadows against the back wall just staring in our direction. Tommy asks me why I was so upset earlier and I explained it to him in pretty general terms, mostly because we had talked before about why Rachel and I had stopped being friends. I laughed and was like “I really just want to hurt him, hit him, kick him, something!” Tommy, sympathetic tells me to go ahead! During the conversation I had noticed a girl Rachel knew from her old job that used to go out with us, and when Rachel came back I told her I saw her. Finally I find the girl in the crowed and she’s probably 10 feet away and I tell Rachel, who then goes over there to say hello.

 

Then like a snake (that he is) Miguel swoops in beside Rachel, wrapping his arm around her pulling her intimately close while she talks to her friend. It’s not a friendly gesture that he’s doing. For instance earlier Tommy had put his arm around my shoulder and was just being friendly you know? Like there was nothing suggestive about it, it was comfortable because there was no…..tension in the air between us. But the way Miguel was holding on to Rachel suggested he was trying to re-mark his territory over her. Rachel really didn’t make a move to move away, and I am not really sure why. But I jokingly told Tommy he should go punch Miguel in the face, lol. He laughed, and stood there, and you could see the uneasiness come across his face and I wondered if he was going to do anything about it. Meanwhile Miguel’s hand doesn’t move from Rachel.

 

Tommy, who I guess had had enough walked over there and told Miguel he needed to back off from Rachel. (This snake knew Rachel was with Tommy, he had been watching them dance together the whole time. I know it.) Finally after Miguel says something unintelligible in his drunken slur, he backs off and retreats to his shady corner. Tommy pulls Rachel back to our little group. Even though his protectiveness was over Rachel, I couldn’t help but feel a little bit of victory of my own. Frank thinks I put Tommy in a situation where he could get hurt by making the joke, but I don’t think I did. I knew Tommy wouldn’t cause a scene, he’s not that type of guy you know? But it felt good to see that rat put in his place. I wanted to laugh and dance because he lost you know? But no one seemed to understand my victorious feeling, and they really didn’t even show signs of caring. Which bothered me a bit. But they weren’t in my shoes so they can’t begin to imagine.

 

I know this guy didn’t rape me. But he still invaded my privacy, my most private areas….you know? He still took a liberty he thought he had a right to when he didn’t. He still tried to use control over me that night last year. He still made me feel dirty and used and like I couldn’t trust anyone you know? It’s as bad as rape, it just thankfully didn’t go that far. I hated that he was at Jermiah’s last night. He didn’t belong there. It wasn’t his crowd you know? It’s not like I am a regular there, but it was still where I liked to go, where I felt comfortable going. Now when I go I will have to wonder if he will be there, lurking in the shadows, watching, waiting…Maybe I will be safe but what about some other girl? The place feels tainted now.