A Room For Randomness

            So here I am, another Monday night at work avoiding homework by writing meaningless nothing’s in here, ha ha. I really do have nothing to write about, but maybe I can come up with something!

            Frank got the books (with our Prague pictures) mailed to him finally. He’s sending me my book tomorrow! I am so excited. I told mom my book is staying on the coffee table for all who comes over to see!! Yeah, I am going to brag about it for some time! Now we’re discussing my going to England for his graduation, which is super exciting for me! I’ll be the strange girl from Missouri in the stands yelling “YEAH! THAT’S MY MAN!!!” LOL….well I’ll be screaming it in my head anyway! (pssst, his parents will be there too. You know what that means!:D)

            So this afternoon my mom gave me her credit card and I went online and ordered two exercise machine from brylanehome.com The AB lounger, and a walker/glider thing. I scheduled my classes where I have time between classes and work. A Good 2 ½ hours of down time in which I can spend working out! Like an hour a day you know? Maybe even an hour and a half. I have come to terms that I don’t like myself as I am. When in Prague even though I wasn’t any different than the last time I saw Frank, I was deeply ashamed of myself and it showed. I was terrified to undress in front of him, or dress in front of him. It’s not that I am shy (well I am a shy person) around him. But I am ashamed of him to see me as I am. I hate even looking in the mirror. He never once made a comment to make me shy, in fact he seemed “hurt” or bothered rather, that I found it so hard to “be myself” around him.

            I made a grocery list for mom. I am banning myself from all sweets, and I am going to try and limit the amount of pasta and bread I eat. I noticed in Prague that between all the walking and the amount of protein and veggies I ate helped in me dropping a few pounds. I hardly ate anything there that was packed full of carbohydrates and apparently that’s my problem. I love pasta and bread, but I have to learn to save it for special occasions. We had a couple of machines I used all the time, but we moved to a place where there was no place to store them so we had to give them away. We had a real expensive treadmill and a glider. So I am excited. I’ll never hear the end of it if my mom buys this stuff (well it’s already been purchased lol ) and they don’t get used. So! Guilt is always an incentive that works well on me, ha ha.

            So we’ll see what happens! Frank has been super attentive lately. I DID tell him about how it bothered me with the passport and post card situation. We discussed it, and I feel better about it. I think sometimes he’s right and I really do go crazy! I also tried paying him back the 150$ and he declined, wouldn’t let me pay it back. I feel like a charity case, but hey, I guess it IS kinda his fault I am havin’ this issue haha. Blah, next time I see him I’ll just slip the money in his wallet or something. =)

            I have noticed something here at work. Lee hasn’t changed, the staff hasn’t changed, but I feel different. Since I have been back there have been several long memos to the desk clerks about everything we do wrong. Lee is STILL running her mouth about everyone to everyone behind our backs. You know, I haven’t lost my cool once? I haven’t vented, or got mad, or in my head threatened to quit. So one of two things have happened (if not both.) 1. I am beyond the point of caring. After four years her petty comments go in one ear and out the other and mean nothing to me. I am neither scared of losing my job, or quitting. And 2.) I have actually just come to the realization that it’s pointless to let her upset me. That I have far more going on in my life to add her pettiness to it. I am moving in LESS THAN A YEAR, and she won’t be my manager anymore. (That thought brings such joyous tears to my eyes!) She (along with this job) just doesn’t seem to phase me anymore. People still gripe, and get bent out of shape and it’s like their voices are far away, and I laugh because it’s all I can think of to do so I don’t seem rude by not responding to them. Even when they’re not laughing. It really is the weirdest feeling. I can’t think of a single thing said or done on my vacation to change me like this, but whatever it was I am glad. Knock on wood except for school now, I haven’t felt stressed (about this job.) I am really liking it too! Just thought I’d share that bit of good news. I hope it keeps going that way!