Midnight Love…I should write a romance novel

Today was such a beautiful day. And I actually had it off. On my way from class, I rolled the windows down in my car, put the sun roof back and just blared my music as i traveled down the highway back home. It was the next best thing to the feeling of flying. It felt free. I like those rare moments I have, that are entirely mine, and I can just, slip away into my …I don’t know how to describe it. It feels like I am so far away, and happy. I almost didn’t want the drive to end, I didn’t want to give up that feeling to go inside. It really was beautiful. I was just in a good mood though. Walking from class to class I head my headphones on and listened to hip hop, haha I wanted to dance while I was walking! I was really feeling it. Too bad my inhibition prevented me from just letting loose. That always gets in my way. =/ Except when I have those special moments with Frank. Though I must admit I hold back a lot then too. Self concious and even though I have experienced things, I am still learning so Im always iffy…I dunno. I just feel like, sometimes I am on the verge of just, letting everything go ya know, but something pulls me back. Fear. It always does, no matter what situation I want to dissapear to. Shrug. I guess its one of those "you must like yourself" things.

Actually I have been thinking about how in April it is coming up on the two years since I lost my big "V".  I remember how nervous I was on the way to pick him up at the air port. It had been 8 months since I had first met him in person, and had my first kiss! The whole way to the airport and after my stomach was in knots and I was incredibly self concious and nervous, lol. When we got back from St. Louis, we had dropped Rachel off (she came with because I had never driven to St. Louis on my own before) and we checked him into a room at a hotel. Lol, I remember sitting on the VERY edge of the bed, hads in my lap and I was incredibly nervous. I wanted him to kiss me, but I was scared! haha. I had never been so…alone in a room with a guy before.  I wanted to bolt from the room but stay at the same time, lol. I think he could tell I was nervous. I mean we had spent the whole day in St. Louis…the three of us had gone to lunch and then to the Arch and stuff….but now we were alone, not in public …He turned on the tv, and we chatted and he looked around the room and through a couple brochures and stuff. We made out…and it was great. I was so nervous though, I didn’t know where to put my hands or if I should…I didn’t know what to do…lol …I spent the night with him, we …didn’t do anything "serious" until the next day. 

The thing is, after two years, I STILL get that way. I am not as nervous when we get intimatre, but right before, I feel like I should stall! ..its crazy, he still gives me these butterflies and knots and I feel like its the first time all over again. And I often wonder if that feeling will go away. I don’t want it to. In a crazy way, I like it.  I don’t want to get so comfortable it is like a routine or something. Or something we just expect to happen between us because we’re a couple. I want it to always..be something that happens between us because we drive eachother crazy like that. You see so many couples who have become friends and the passion seems to have dissapeared.  But to be honest, I don’t think for me it will ever change. My mom is 45 and shes a passionate person, extremely so.

But maybe thats just because she’s alone, I don’t know. I am not even mad at myself because we didn’t wait for marriage. Even if we didn’t end up together in the end, I am so glad it was with him. So many of my friends lost their virginity before they even got out of highschool. They had already had their first kisses and everything. They made fun of me for being the only one who hadn’t done anything with a guy. But I am glad I waited, I know it sounds novice and childish, but I always felt like I needed to know it was the perfect guy. Some one who made..me feel like I was on fire you know? Not just some one who I dated because that was the thing to do. I wanted the connection to be unavoidable, unmistakeable…irresistable..I wanted it to be like the romance novels..lol…and it was that and more. I must confess Im a pretty lucky girl, he’s so giving and caring, a lot of guys stop trying long before the two year mark..lol.  I dunno, its just been on my mind today. It was a beautiful day and I would have liked to share that with him.

But other then that I went to this hand me down book store and got like 6 books! Ha! It has been so long since I have read a good book, well, the one I got for Christmas, and before that it had been since like last summer! I just never have the time. I love reading, I think after I end this I am going to crawl into bed and just slip away into a good romance, lol. I am feeling a little too mushy and randy to read mystery, haha. I did get to Patricia Cornwell books I haven’t read though.  I think her books helped in deciding for certain what I wanted to go to school for. I love her forensic/psychological profiling books. Well, her earlier ones anyway. Her new ones seem kinda predictable and lazy.  Or maybe I am just that good and figure everything out too fast. I am really bad about that with movies and TV shows anymore. I figure them out long before its half way into the show. =/

Anyhoo, I am gunna go to bed and read! I always sleep better when I fall asleep to a good book.  The dude on the cover is a buff pirate, I am gunna go image that its me in the story. Im out. =)