Inner Motivation

Well back to classes today! They weren’t so bad, the time seemed to just fly by. I can’t believe there are only 6 weeks left of classes, and 2 before I sign up for fall classes! I was so tired today though because mom rented movies last night and we were up late watching them haha. So between my algebra and pysch class I went to the psych building, 4’th floor study hall and laid my head down on a table and crashed, lol. I woke up up an our and 15 minutes later!!! Had to go into the ladies room and splash my face with cool water to wake myself up!! Doesn’t help that the professor is incredibly redundant and mundane. I feel SO sorry if he’s so boring outside of class. He’s obviously really intelligent, but he reminds me of the guy who does the red eye commercial. And I have this guy three times a week for an hour at a time! lol, its not that I want him to be more dramatic, but he makes psychology seem really boring.

I ran into an old friend last year, and we’ve been kind of sorta in contact, and I saw her when she came to town last and told her about myspace since she likes to get online when her husband is at work. She was part of the "group" I was in during HS, she was also part of the reason I didn’t get along with the group, haha. But she was going through a lot of emotional problems back then, and as I got older I forgave her ya know for her craziness. Because believe me, she WAS. Anyway, she found Rachel and added her to her friendlist. She knows what happened between us and everything. She even said she’d take her off if I wanted. But that would be crazy of me to ask her that you know? I cannot tell her who she can and can’t be friends with. Just because Rachel and I had our differences doesn’t mean I expect everyone to feel the way I do about her, regardless of how bad she got. But I can’t lie and say seeing her on her friend’s list doesn’t bother me ya know? It does. But for childish reasons and even I know that. But regardless of that, I am glad we’ve started talking. I got to meet her baby son, and he’s the cutest little boy. I confess, the Valerie I knew in highschool would have made a horrible mother. But she’s made so many changes in her life and she’s a terrific mother! She even did it right by being married first, haha. Something my other friends have failed to do. So I am proud of her just for that!

Frank has been so different lately. But good different. He has just been so loving, and I dunno, attentive I guess? Not that he wasn’t before, but he just seems even more so now. I think he really misses me! Which makes me feel all warm and mushy inside. He goes on spring break next week and after he shoots his movie for his class, he’s going to Scotland with his father for a week. YUCK, I don’t like the idea of not being able to talk to him for a whole week. Man just sounds bad saying it! I am used to at least talking to him every day! Maybe he feels sorry for me coz of my whole friend situation so he’s trying to compensate for it lol. Which if thats the case makes him an even better boyfriend!  Yesterday we had this little make-believe mock trial lol, and it was over silly stuff but trying to come up with past evidence and tricky questions was fun! It really stimulated my mind, and when he got serious it was freakin hot.  But its so rare that I ever get into a discussion that I become so empassioned about that it stimulates my mind and really opens it up….makes it think, and work, wonder….he thought it was cute I had such a good time with it, but it was more than just play. And I will have you all know, that had I brought in his friend as a witness, I would have OWNED him in the courtroom, haha. His butt would be in jail and he’d be some one’s girlfriend right now!

But anyway moving on.  Work is slow tonight, I got all my homework done and now just have three hours until I get to go home! I just want to crawl into bed and drift away. I miss just laying in bed and having my laptop on and being seriously lazy. Kinda sucks though, that as soon as I get off work I have to go to bed. I don’t have any free time to spare ya know? I think thats what stresses me out a lot. That between work and school, and school and work, there’s no Hanna time. Well, and when I do have Hanna time I usualy waste it by cleaning or running errands or paying bills, lol. I think I had decided against taking summer classes this year. I dunno, I just think I need as much of a break as possible.

I envy other kids who’s parents are able to pay for all their schooling and living expenses. I wish I could get the true college experience and have a spring break in Florida or something and just get to experience life as it comes and just, live. I feel left out by having to work constantly when I am not in school. I can’t even really make friends at school because I am only there for classes, so I don’t get to like, meet people in the dorms or at parties or something. But I also know I have to do what I have to do to make something of myself, and that means making sacrafices and compromises ya know? I have to just keep focused on that and not let it get me down or the best of me. Yeah yeah, keep telling yourself that Hanna. Whew.

So I started back on my diet today since I had gotten pretty lazy about it and I think gained back like 5 of the 10 I had lost, lol. I was doing so good too! But I want to lose as much as I can by summer, so that should Frank and I go someplace beachy, I can look as hot as possible, lol.  I know that sounds vain, but I wanna feel as good as I thnk I look! And right now I am feeling pretty crummy haha. So yeah, back to day number 1 in the diet again….ugh….Im so pathetic lol