A Bun In The Oven

Ha, another morning where I write in OD FROM bed, hehe.  I feel so lazy but it feels so good too!  I am contemplating lunch, but I don’t feel like getting up and making anything. What we need is a hot attractive butler who waits on me hand and foot! Wearing only and apron so I know when he’s ready for a raise, ha ha.  I wonder if Frank will apply for the job position…hmmm…. *wink wink*

I must confess I have been a little worried lately. My "visitor" is nearly 5 days late, which is unusual since I started taking birth control a couple years ago.  I have been feeling tired and faint and sick. But I thought those symptoms were only coming from the long days I pull between college and work and not eating right. But then I am late, and then I got paranoid that some how I was pregnant and I am just now starting to get symptoms. I have an EPT that I keep on hand JUST IN CASE, for times like this when I just need the reassurance that all of the stuff is in my head and I am just paranoid because I don’t know how to explain what I am feeling. Well when I woke up this morning I took it and sure enough it was negative. So, BIG sigh. 

I can’t even begin to imagine what I would do if I became pregnant.  I am not financially or emotionally, or mentally ready to have a baby. Frank goes to college over seas and I still live at home with my mom. I am only 20! The thought of being responsible for something other then myself terrifies me. I am NOT ready for that.  I don’t know how I would even tell Frank that I was pregnant. I know I would have to give it up by…abortion, and it would be …the logical thing to do, because there’s no way I could carry one full term and give it up. NO WAY. I’d want to keep it. But I am glad I am not being faced with that and that the light headedness and tiredness are resulting from something else.  Man, I don’t even know how I would tell Frank, ha…he’d flip out. Uhg, I hate being that scared.  That is one stress headache I am glad I don’t have to deal with!

I made friends with one of the girls I was training at work. Her name is Jessica and she’s really outgoing and funny and silly. Which is great, she’s not all moody and unpredictable in her moods, so I don’t have to tread lightly in what I say around her.  Sam and I have a good time too, but she’s so sensitive and gets angry and defensive so quickly that you really have to watch what you say around her, its like the only safe topic is the weather, lol. Which is fine, ya know? Thats just how she is, and she can be fun and silly too. But anyway, this Saturday Jessica said she’d go out dancing with me to JD’s this Saturday. I just hope Miguel stays clear of me when he sees me because I fear if he comes around me I will go nuts and just go off on him like he deserves. But I am sure Rachel told him I stopped hanging out with her because of him and I am sure he will stay away.  But I told Jessica the gist of the situation so she knows and I think she’s the type of person that if you mess with her she’ll beat you to the ground haha. She’s a tough girl. She’s lived a wild life and tamed down.

She even said her boyfriend wouldn’t care if she went out with me. That she’d rather leave him at home anyway. MUSIC TO MY EARS!! Haha! Not that I’d mind if he came, I don’t think she’d be the type to be all over him. I met him a couple times and he seems pretty friendly and out going.  I am just so excited to be getting out of the house! Having a reason to get dressed up and feeling that…feeling of freedom and happiness because I actually get to have a good time. (Hopefully).  I so desperately need a social life! She also keeps asking when my birthday is because my mom (works where I work one day a week so she’s met Jessica) said she wanted to do something for my 21st, so now Jessica keeps talking about it because she really wants my 21 to be a big bang lol.  Feels good for some one here, in person to take an interest in me haha.

But I am just so happy we might get to go out. Nothing is written in stone but it’s pretty likely.  So Im not pregnant and I have plans for Saturday night, HA! Hmmmmmmmmm what bad event is lurking behind these good fortunes???? lol….look, I have become cynical 🙁  

Well I am going to drag my lazy butt outa bed and go in search for some food then get some laundry started so I can stop running around everywhere naked. I don’t think people appreciate it haha.  No work OR classes today, so I am in a good mood for a change. I just wanted to share that, since my past few entries have been so blah and moody lately.