My BEST friend.

Wow, a work shift where I get to go home at 3!!! And I have the rest of the night off…pretty cool. I am tired of the B shifts anyway, and I work it starting tomorrow for the next five nights, BLAH.  So Sam quit last Wednesday, says she found a better job, which is good for her, she won’t have customers at the new place, lol. But I haven’t heard from her, she wont reply to my messages and I went from her number two spot to 4 on myspace. OKAY. So here’s my plan. I am going to quit giving a shit. Yup yup. Tired of flaky people. I am going to stop looking to them for friendship. Whenever we hung out she always brought her boytoy, (who I like, he’s a nice guy) but they always slobber over eachother so it gets a bit boring on my end. So I doubt I am missing much. And her moods are so unpredictable, she gets mad and takes it out on you for no reason, so even when you’ve done nothing wrong you’re constantly feeling guilty, lol.  Even her friend that I have become friend’s with has stopped hanging out with her for the same reason. She dropped him too. Surprise surprise huh? Man..the girls back here, I tell ya. I am not as hurt over this one though. I saw it coming, I just kind of hoped she’d prove me wrong.

But work the past two days has been okay. They hired a new maid AND desk clerk, right now she’s being trained on both jobs. Shes funny, and sarcastic and not afraid to just be how she is. I admire that in a person, especially since I am not that…care free or honest…I hope she stays, I like her.  Right now it seems like everyone knows how to do their job and they seem dependable. After a year and a half of choas here I am so ready for that! Everyone even seems to be in relatively good moods! Which is odd at this place, haha. Hasn’t felt so stressful the past couple days too. I hope it lasts.

Man I have just felt so needy with this diary lately.  Its the only place I feel like I can truely be who I am and express every emotion I am feeling. Or at least TRY to express every emotion I am feeling. Other then my mom and Frank , I don’t have anyone to REALLY REALLY open up to. I mean I know I could talk to my mom about anything, and a lot of it I do. But I know if I shared every secret, every feeling she’d worry about me. I can’t even bring up my dad because then she mentions therapy. And Frank, bless his heart, I try my best to keep my emotions not hidden, but away from him. If something is truely bothering me he’s there, but he’s also unsure of how to handle such strong and complex emotions too. He tries, but I think they scare him. So this place has become my best friend. Even when I have nothing important or interesting to say, I still find it….comforting to just come in here and type. It feels like this temporary release for me. It has become like, a virtual best friend, lol.

So I know when I can’t count on people, here, now, in real life, I can count on my diary, its ability to just take what I say and save it, embrace it, and keep me safe. My words, my thoughts, my feelings and my life. My diary wont judge me, or tell me Im lying. I can write in it and know it wont be on the phone with some one else, or running off and leaving me alone. I know I can write in here and not feel like I wont hear from it again for another month or two…Its like the strongest shoulder I’ve ever had.