For she’s a jolly good fella….for she’s a ..blah

Im here Im Here Im Here!!! Seriously been lacking in the update department, SORRY. If people would quit quitting this job, I’d stop working crazy hours, and be up when I am supposed to be up and asleep when I am supposed to be asleep! lol. however…SEVEN MORE DAYS!!! I am so excited, I am taking 8 days off of work, and allllllll of em with my Franky. God I miss him, and I get more impatient for Monday to arrive by the hour. I keep thinking of all the things I need to get done before he gets here, and as I get through each one I think about how much closer it brings me to monday 9. The minute we get checked into the hotel and our room door shuts, I am tackling him to the floor for the worlds biggest hug and kiss…lol Poor guy, isn’t gunna know what hit him!!! Its gunna be MEEEEEEEEEE.

Well I am assuming that Rachel and Steve got back together. I haven’t heard from her in three days. She says she’s really going to have to think about it, but I can’t see her telling him to F* off. She’s invested four years of her life. And you know, if it was just a simple kiss, I would bust my ass at forgiving him, but because he told this Michelle girl to kiss him when he gets back from seeing Rachel, so she’d know how he still felt about her [Michelle]….I find that a little hard to forgive…And apparently he also told this girl he fell out of love with Rachel….but now Rachel is probably only going to see the lonliness, the loss of Steve and the comfortability they had together, and she will probably take him back. I don’t necessarily think it is the right move on her part, but as her friend I have to stand behind her decision. And be there next time the ball falls down on her. Because I have a feeling it will. But then again I also have a feeling that if he messes up even just a little, she’s walking for good.

We had a long talk last Thursday regarding our friendship. I told her no matter what, I was her friend, and that I loved her. I also told her I hate that we fight, because she’s been like my sister and I can’t imagine my life without her in it. I want that friend I can call any time…who knows me as well as I know me..and vice versa..you know? We cried and hugged….and apologized.  I am not sure how long any of this will last, and I am not sure she won’t do it again, but I am sure I am going to be cautious with my love and friendship. I will be her friend, but like Steve must do with her, she is going to have to work for my trust again. And next time she hurts or pisses me off, instead of going silent and quietly hurting I am going to let her have it, so she KNOWS I am pissed…then maybe we can learn to communicate and work through things better. I can’t promise I am going to be any good at it, I don’t like confrontation, but I am going to work at it. Thats for sure.

Her relationship with Steve though sure has made me value and cherish even more the one I have with Frank. I love and trust him so much it scares me. Because if he ever let me down or did something to break my heart I’d surely die. Or at least feel like I wanted to. But we’re also very mature about our relationship. We’ve had to be to make this long distance thing work like it has. And it has worked very well. It is hard, but we put all we have into it.  And we can trust eachother….thats so amazing to me..because after Ben I thought I’d never be able to trust another guy so much again. 

As for Frank’s blanket, it’s almost DONE…that freakin thing…when I hand it over it’s gunna be the happiest day of my life..haha..I love that I am making it for him, and that I KNOW it will be precious to him, but I HATE, HATE, crocheting….I don’t have the patience for it. Next year, he’s getting socks and underwear just like every other boyfriend in the country…and NOT handmade under wear and socks..its gunna be HANES..PACKAGED..lol…I lie…I love making it for him…I have been putting my heart and soul into it since September…and if I didn’t love him so much I wouldn’t put myself through the agonizing pain of making one…he soooooooo better realize that. lol

Anyway, I guess I have some New Years Resolutions. For one, I’d actually like to STICK to diet, as opposed to food sticking to my rear…Gawd….I am gunna spend the next year working it off..lol…AND, I’d like to do even better in my classes. I have been doing okay so far, but I’d really like to make GREAT grades..something Columbia in NYC will welcome …and appreciate…I know I have a lot to offer, I just have to apply myself more….Just need some motivation I guess. 

I hope everyone had a fun new years…while I spent it working…all night….however, I did get to call the cops on some drunk naked people in the hallways..lol…i mean BUCK naked..I saw parts of this dude he was prolly to drunk to notice….and lemme tell ya…it was nothin to write home about haha…so if some how fate brings him to FOD and he happens to read this entry..then dear sir..I am VERY VERY VERY sorry for your unfortunate circum…circumstances…lol…Have a nice day!