The Dutiful

Funny how in the course of seconds, the feelings a person has can change dramatically. I logged onto my mysapce account last night and saw a bulletin posted by Rachel, exclaiming how all men should die a horrible death..and so forth…I was really thrown off by this because i expected it to be some sort of joke, but there was no punch line, and none of it made any sense, why would she just post something like that? So full of anger at men. Well I go to her myspace, and I am looking at her page and decide to see her relationship status…well it went  from In A Relationship to Single. POW..what a shocker, she’s been with her boyfriend 8 months longer than I have been with Frank.  It was definately a shocker and not a joke. I still had 30 minutes to go at work, but I knew I had to call her. Despite the differences. Despite my being hurt at her, or angry and feeling betrayed, because I know she must be hurting. And to me that was so much more important than our petty little fights…or what seem petty now…well they did then, but now it was time to put them aside. 

I know she can be an extremely selfish person, and she’s done things to hurt me lately. But the thought of some one else causing her hurt like that, it tore at my heart something bad. I knew she needed me, but because of our arguing she was scared…She pretty much said that to me when I called. I told her that friends fight, and she should know better, because I would never turn her away. I’ve never stopped caring about her. Thats why it is so painful when something is amiss between us. We’ve been friends since we were 13. I know Steve became more important to her in another way, she gave …well a lot of herself to him, more than anyone. And last night she found out he has been cheating on her for the past few months. I’ve known all along he was capable of it. I am almost sure of another incident a few years ago that Rachel chose to over look and turn a blind eye to. He was very immature about their relationship. Always keeping tabs on her, jealous if she even said Hello to another guy, all the while he was doing to her what he didn’t want her doing to him. If that makes any sense. Rachel may be guilty of flirting in the club, and soaking up the attention from some horn dog in a bar, but I know she never cheated on Steve.

I know if something like this ever happened to Frank and I, and even if she and I were fighting, she’d care enough to contact me to make sure i was alright. Its different when we fight, friends hurt eachother, but by God I want to kick Steve’s ass for hurting her so deeply. For taking advantage of her love and devotion that she devuldged on him. I never thought he deserved it. I always thought he was scum and would end up hurting her, but I could never tell her that, for one she’d never believe it, and two I didn’t want her feeling like I was trying to control her. He claims he only kissed this other girl, but their letters to eachother say other wise. Apparently he told this girl he fell out of love with Rachel, and blah blah blah…He was playing both girls. But my heart breaks for her now….I know she’s angry and hurt and nothing else that hs happened between her and I matters at this moment. It kills me that she’s hurting. I can only imagine….what it must feel like…to find something like that out. If I found out Frank was cheating on me, I’d be devastated.  But I think in the back of Rachel’s mind she knew he was capable of it, thats why they always kept such close tabs on eachother.  Their relationship may not have been handled the most mature way, but I know she loved him a lot….

I’ve decided to put our differences aside for now.  But I think when things have settled, she and I need to have a long talk about our friendship….