Anger Managment

Well I guess let me try this again. I had almost all of it written when something caused my page to refresh and I lost it all………….ALL of it. But hey why not? Par for the day right? It has sucked majorly. Well it has the past two days I have walked through the doors to work. Both yesterday and today as soon as I came into work my boss was jumping down my back about something. REALLY REALLY stupid somethings.

For starters, she yells when she lectures. I can take lecturing, and advice, and critisism. But I can’t take the constant yelling, bickering, nagging, I am holier than thou attitude. I grew up in a house where people didn’t yell. When my mom and I had problems, we talked it out. I grew up in a gentle house. I can’t even think of a time when my mother ever raised her voice to me. So when some one yells at me, I can’t handle it. I honest to God don’t know how. Bad things go on inside of me when people yell. It scares me to death.

So when some one yells at me, I get extremely quiet and withdrawn. I don’t want to be near that person. Because inside I start to feel the annoyance, and then the anger, this fierce trembling anger and the hurt and humiliation that causes the anger. I feel so angry inside I know if I don’t go away I might lash out, or cry or something. It is so strong, and feirce. That feeling terrifies me. But what do I do? I sit there, and I take it, and I take it…and I don’t think I can take it anymore. It is getting so hard to control it these days. She’s constantly pushing my buttons, and she’s getting closer to the one that is going to make things very bad. For me, for this company, for her. I don’t know. But I feel it inside. The sad thing is I like my job, its a fun, easy, meet new people kinda job. It suits me well. But I am so tired of going home stressed because of her. It has to end.

Yesterday, I come through the door and she starts in on me about laptops. She now states she will ban them at work if we don’t start doing our job. Which is keeping up with our work and cleaning the office area if it needs it. Well every day when I come in, and the manager leaves, I clean up by vacuuming or dusting or straightening things up. And for the most part I don’t really make mistakes with my computer work or anything. I do sometimes but not like constantly. However, I know the other desk clerks that work here don’t clean up or do their share around here. Their theory is they weren’t hired to clean. I understand that my job comes before playing on the computer in. Free time is only after everything else that needs to be done is done. But I DO my work before I ever open this laptop up. And most of the time I am writing papers or doing homework, which was okayed by both the owner AND my boss. So its the other employees farting around and not doing what they should be doing. So I think if she should punish anyone it should be them. Why do I have to suffer for their mistakes? So she yelled at me yesterday saying I wasn’t anything special, and if she took away laptops that means mine too. OK, fine, TAKE them away. If I can’t do my school work, I can’t work here. This was agreed upon when I was hired here. So take it away and lose your best employee. See how that goes. Have fun with that. But this is what she yelled at me for two hours about yesterday.

Today, she gets mad over some silly stuff. Apparently I mis-punched a key, and the rate should have ended in a 9 but I hit 8. Problem is so easily solved, and its not like I do it all the dame time, but I got lectured on that. And THEN, the poor girl I was relieving, couldn’t get onto the next shift because two people hadn’t checked out. So when I got here she was asking me about them since I checked them and I fixed it so she could go ahead and get on her shift. All she had to do was reauthorize them for another night. (She’s new, so I was patient with her.) So then my boss is like move Hanna, so I can watch her finish this shift work. I was like oh no thats okay, I can help her, go finish what you’re doing. NO she says. I want her to do it right! …..uhhh ok? What the hell? Well then the big argument came between all three of us. We have this little, room map of our hotel, and when we rent a room we color it yellow with a highlighter right. And in the morning when people check out we put an X so we know at a glance who is left and what not. On other boxs S/O is put for stayovers. So she yells at the new girl for writing some one down as a S/O (the two rooms I told her to) and says NO! thats the night auditors job! I was like but what if some one comes down on A and says they want to stay over? We stil don’t write it down? She says no! You get a new sheet of paper, and color the boxes on there. I was like I have always done it this way. And she tears into me about how I need to start doing my job right and I don’t get any special treatment, and I am not a princess blah blah blah. That I need to do as SHE says.   Ok well she said A LOT more than that…she kept on about it until I just slammed my papers down and walked out of the room before I got myself fired.

Then she has the nerve to ask me why I get strangley quiet when she gets on to me. What the hell does she want me to do? Yell back? Maybe next time I will. However I have my revenge plotted. Her worst trait is thinking she does everything wrong, never any mistakes. And if she does make one, it eats at her to no end when some one catches it. WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL yes..I pulled down her book of special instructions, on what to do when there is a stay over…and alas! *big gasp!* look at number 4!!!!!!!!! "mark S/O on room location chart." Soooooooooooooo I went and copied it, high lighted number four and said. "See. it IS in your instructions to mark S/O on the room location chart. So is it still ONLY the night auditors job to do it? I want to know so that I can do my job right. I was only ever following your instructions. Please let me know, –Hanna".  And I taped it to her door. I felt like saying, you should let EVERYONE know when your rules change, so you don’t have a reason to yell at us…but…I figured she’ll get the hint….so for right now, this is my way of exploding back at her. =)