Penises Always Come First.

Okay just so everyone knows, this is going to be a rant and I am going to do my best to just lay it all out there.  I am fuming. I am so fucking sick of girls who claim to be your "best" friend, and vow to never leave your side or mistreat your friendship anyway. Its all fucking lies and temporary. Because the second some damn man comes up to them and shows them attention, you’re completely forgotten. ALL my friends are that way. They are so desperate for a man’s attention they will forget the person standing next to them even exsist. The interest in the frriendship just dissapears.

A few weeks ago, a friend and I worked through some problems because we felt our friendship was too important to lose. So after four years of being ignored, forgotten because she got a boyfriend and she couldn’t leave his side. Or in their case, the phone. (LD relationship). She totally trashed our friendship because he had such a tight control on her and she was so wrapped up in him. But she came back apologizing, AGAIN, and because I love and care about her so much, I decided to forgive her AGAIN.

So a couple weekends ago, we went out to this bar/club called JD’s so we could go dancing, and get back into our grove again. When we’re together we have this awesome time.  Well she runs into this guy she used to work, Miguel. This guy is known by the entire bar staff, almost over half the customers, he wears a leather jacket, dress pants and shiney shoes. His hair is so slick with gel you’d have a harder time walking on it than you would the streets covered outside in ice right now. He think’s he’s basically the shit.  He trys to act sophistacted, mysterious, suave,  sensuious, debuoniar, sexy, WHATEVER. I see right through him, he’s an asshole is what he is. But he hangs all over my friend, who is no doubt extremely beautiful, and well endowed on top. Pretty smile and everything. She was blessed.

So he showers her with attention, and she lets him. But why not? Attention isn’t so bad,  I like being hit on, makes me feel like a pretty and desired girl, nothing wrong with that. But she hangs all over him too. He gives me these looks like I need to dissapear, I keep begging my friend to go dance and she keeps saying no, but HE asks her, she says yes and they both drop their drinks in my hand and dissapear for over an hour. Just out of spite, they tasted my opinion of him when they returned to their drinks. At one point he even told me to go away. He would whisper things in her hair, and they’d look at me and laugh. HELLO, I am not fucking blind. And THEN she has the nerve in front of him to ask if I can give him a ride home.  I was so pissed for being ignored all that night, when they talked they’d turn their backs to me…I wonder what her boyfriend would think.   HMMMMMMM

So tonight, I thought would be defferent because she knows how I feel about him, and how upset I was last time. But no. Its probably worse. Not only was I ignored and then talked about, she kept dissapearing for long periods of time, just leaving me standing there, knowing NO ONE. Then she’d come back saying she was gone looking for me. HA HA, yeah fucking right, I was standing there the whole time. So again they drop their drinks off with me, well I set them down, go get a drink and stick around at the bar for a while and sip it.  And its not like I was jealous because I was getting some attention from a few….uh…drunk guys, who probably sober would never notice me, lol.  She tells me he’s not an asshole, I just don’t know how to take him.

WHAT? Not know how to take him? I couldn’t stand guys like that  in high school, and I can’t stand them now. There is nothing even remotely attractive about this guy.  I am polite to him, but I think he knows my extreme distaste for him. But I was alone the entire night tonight. So finally I give up, and I go get my Id and keys from the bouncer so I wouldn’t lose them and head to my car. When I get inside my phone is ringing.  "Ohhh…hanna, I was looking for you….I  went back to where you were standing and you were gone!" noooooo…I wasn’t, I stayed there until I decided to leave, after I had been waiting for you for 30 minutes.  I ask her if she’s coming to the car, and she says no, so I say fine and hang up.

So apparently its going to take me growing a goddamn dick to get some attention from anyone. I just wanted a night to go out, have some fun, hang out, dance a little, whatever. Instead I am left behind so she can hang all over this guy. I wonder if her boyfriend should know she gave this guy her number. That I saw her making out witth him on the dance floor, that his hands were all over her goods…I bet when she calls him later she leaves ALL that junk out.   I can’t believe she got mad that I called him an asshole though. She kept saying there was something wrong with me, that he was an ok guy. He was RUDE to me. MEAN. I am supposed to like him because she does? Screw that. I feel sorry for her boyfriend that she is so easily swayed by another man who probabky is the proud owner of 30 STD’s or something. 

It wouldn’t have been so bad if there was some one else for me to hang with, I wouldn’t be so mad probably. But the fact is I wasn’t. We were there together to have a good time and work on our friendship. I was there with only her and she abandoned me the whole night. for some  guy who looks at her like she’s a piece of meat.  I felt so alone, just standing there, not knowing anyone. I imagine I looked pretty pathetic.  It may sound silly, and immature to feel the way I do. But I feel betrayed. I don’t understand why it is so easy for a girl to forget who she is and her values and principles as soon as some "stud" winks and smiles in their direction.  My  other friends have all done this too. We were inseperable, but then they found boyfriends and stopped calling, hanging out, making time for friends. Now  the boyfriends are gone and they have no friends…

I love my boyfriend very much, and I wan’t to spend as much time with him as I can. But at the same time I want my  independance and down/girl time.  And NEVER would I just drop a friend for some guy. There have been many times I could have, but I am not so rude to just walk off and leave them standing by themselves. Especially for 45 minutes. (Which was done to me, at least three times tonight.) But this Miguel guy, did everything in his power to exlude me from her, and she just let him. They wouldn’t even talk to me. God, I am so angry and hurt. I don’t understand …..all I want….I just want a friend who takes time for me. Maybe its my fault for expecting so much from people. Because then when they don’t produce I am hurt and let down. I am just asking to feel wanted and appreciated by people I care about. Especially her, she’s my "best" friend…And just once, in my life. I would like to come first with some one. Just once. But apparently for that to happen, I am going to have to grow a penis …or something…Until then Im screwed I guess….no pun intended….But I wont go alone with her again.  I am tired of being fucking rejected…IM DONE.